How to Get Ahead in Advertising Page #2

getting serious.

Really?

Well, we could meet for lunch,

celebrate my breakthrough.

OK, one o'clock.

- You're chain-smoking, darling.

- I know I am. I know I am.

I'd like another vodka martini,

dry as a bone, twist, no olive.

Spritzer, please.

I tell you, Julia, I'm out of my mind.

I'm getting nowhere. Zero.

Stop getting so wound up

about it. It'll come.

And please put that cigarette out.

That's three in ten minutes.

Darling, why don't you forget it a minute?

Take the afternoon off.

- I can't. I've got to see Bristol.

- You're not gonna be much use.

Oh, that's where you're wrong, Julia.

That's what's so insane about all this.

Anything else, I'm fine.

Any other part of the human body,

I'll sell it something.

Give me a bald head,

and I'll sell it shampoo.

- I cannot get a handle on the boils.

- Pass me the butter, please, darling.

The moment I think of a boil,

my mind slips into

a sort of dreadful, oily neutral.

I just sit there, hour after hour,

chewing the ends off pencils,

smoking myself daft.

- What exactly is this stuff?

- It's a standard.

16 to 26-year-old acne attacker.

It's a hexafluoride.

- Does it work?

- No idea. It's probably junk.

Well, that's probably the problem.

If you knew it actually got rid of boils,

you'd have no problem selling it.

Nobody in advertising

wants to get rid of boils, Julia.

They're good little money spinners.

All we want to do is offer hope of getting

rid of them. And that's where I'm blocked!

- Where's our drinks?

- They're coming, sir.

Well, I really do think you should

cancel Bristol and come home with me.

I can't. I've been cancelling him all week.

Why can't we cancel this dinner?

I'm not in the mood for that mob.

If I had known we were having dinner,

I'd never have suggested lunch.

We can have both. People do, darling.

- I suppose Wheelstock will be there.

- Don't take it out on Penny.

Christ, what am I going to do?

Dennis, for goodness' sake,

stop getting so paranoid.

Everything will be all right. You've had

these sort of problems many times before.

- Not like this, I haven't.

- Oh, yes you have.

You had a terrible time with piles.

I did not have

a terrible time with piles.

I may have had a problem

getting ahold of them,

- but selling them was a piece of cake.

- You're raising your voice.

Compared to this,

piles were a birthday present.

- So was dandruff. So was breath.

- You're still raising your voice.

The whole lot taken together,

including the f***ing lawnmowers,

is as nothing compared

to the pimples, acne and boils!

I don't want to go back in there.

Don't worry about it.

Don't think about boils.

If a boil pops up, force yourself

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