How Murray Saved Christmas Page #4

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What are you doing here?

They... heh heh...

sent me to order dinner.

I am the man

to deliver the toys

to the good pretty girls

and the pretty good boys.

I'll sail east to go west

and west to go east.

The voyage should take me

3 months at the least.

Senor Columbus,

you have one night at best!

Have it your way.

I'll go west to go west.

He asked Easter Bunny

to gift-wrap a truck.

His paws were too small.

He was having no luck.

So he painted and dyed it

in purples and pinks.

On an egg, this looks good.

On a truck? Well, it stinks.

To Byron Bineski,

Fort Crowder, New Jersey,

we send you our love

and this powder blue Jersey.

Wishing you good luck

and gumdrops galore.

Then it goes on

for 5 pages more.

How many gift cards

would you say you've done?

When this card is finished,

I'll be up to one.

- Hey!

- Aah!

Lincoln and

Washington had a big fight.

Honest Abe,

can't you do anything right?

- I'm on the penny.

- I'm on the quarter.

- I'm also much older.

- You're almost much shorter.

Stop it, you guys!

You're behaving like Scrooges.

Then they all started fighting

just like the Three Stooges.

Here. Hold this.

- Woo!

- Woo! Woo! Woo!

Yah, yah, yah!

- Ha ha!

- Uh!

'Twas the night before Christmas

and all was in crisis.

The groundhog had eaten

the "naughty and nice" list.

The April Fool built

a preposterous bike,

and Labor Day Amos

had gone out on strike.

Silent night, holy night!

We will not give up the fight...

Liberte!

Stop all your shouting.

Stop all the noise.

There's no one I trust

to deliver these toys.

Delivery. Lincoln,

here's your hot pastrami.

Washington gets cold salami.

Columbus asked for rigatoni.

St. Pat ordered

fried bologna.

Piece of fish, sirloin steak,

meat knish, carrot cake.

And April Fool...

I don't know why...

Ordered compact discs on rye.

Yum!

- What?

- You're the one!

I'm the what one?

You are the one

to deliver the toys

to 200 countries,

to good girls and boys.

Just put on this red suit

and get in the sleigh.

What are you, cuckoo?

Forget it. No way.

Please.

- No.

- Please?

- No!

- Please?

- No...

- Please...

And so for an hour,

these two kept on going,

with one of them please-ing

and one of them no-ing.

- Please?

- No.

Please?

No! Why in the world should

I schlep through the snow,

bringing millions of presents

to kids I don't know?

Will anyone pay me?

Will anyone tip?

What if I slip

and fracture my hip?

Look at the weather.

It's cold and it's shivery.

There's no way on earth

I will make this delivery.

Bummer.

Murray spent each

Christmas Eve on his own,

remembering days when he

wasn't alone.

You dated her?

Get out of my deli.

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