How Murray Saved Christmas

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North of the North Pole

and south of the stars

lies a quaint little village

called Stinky Cigars.

The name is so awful

that folks pass right by it.

It's a trick that we use

to keep our town quiet.

You'll see that we've got

some celebrities here...

The groundhog, Columbus,

and Chinese New Year.

There's Jack Frost

and Washington,

Lincoln and Cupid,

and dear April Fool,

who's as sweet as he's stupid.

Yahtzee.

- Oh!

- Man!

St. Pat and St. Nicholas fill

our saint quota.

If you're looking

for St. Paul,

check Minnesota.

- Ho ho!

- Har har har.

You have to be

proud and a little bit nuts

to honor a banner

with two smelly butts.

Please join me

in our town anthem.

Ho ho ho ho

ho ho ho ho ho!

Stinky Cigars!

Stinky Cigars!

There's no place on earth,

and no place on Mars

that's as happy

as Stinky Cigars.

The cats never scratch.

The dogs never bite.

The sun shines

all day and night.

All day and night.

Uh! "S" to the T-I.

"N" to the K-Y.

Stinky, Stinky Cigars!

Uh! Life in the S-C is

kind of a dream.

There's a candy cane tree

by a butterscotch stream.

If your teeth all go rotten,

well, don't you scream.

'Cause the dentist gives

fillings of chocolate cream.

Sweet...

Stinky Cigars!

Stinky Cigars!

Yeah, the streets are all paved

with chocolate bars.

There's no smoking

in Stinky Cigars.

I put my head through

a priceless Renoir.

That's no problem

in Stinky Cigars.

No one's got problems

in Stinky Cigars.

Well, that killed half the day.

We've got to get

a shorter anthem.

- It's a nice place to work.

- It's a nice place to grow up.

It's such a nice place,

you just want to throw up.

Everyone's happy,

except Murray Weiner,

owner of Murray's

Holiday Diner.

Murray is grouchy and cranky

and crabby,

nasty and ghastly,

obnoxious and flabby,

ill-tempered, ill-natured,

malevolent and...

- All right!

- They get it.

Yet still everyone

in the holiday bunch

would come into Murray's

to have a great lunch.

You might see George Washington

eating and drinking

on President's Day

with Abraham Lincoln.

And how, you might wonder,

did Santa get that?

Just thank Murray's

chocolate-chip

cheesecake for that.

Ho ho ho!

You get the bagels.

You got the chili.

Thanksgiving Turkey,

stuff yourself silly.

Cupid, you're sweet.

I don't want to be pushy.

But get off my seat with

your bare-naked tushy.

Ooh.

Here's your roast beef,

Leprechaun.

This is rare.

I want well-done.

Much obliged.

And back in the corner,

all by himself,

sat an odd little fellow

named Edison Elf.

What are you doing

playing with food?

It's wasteful and dirty

and terribly rude.

I'm just sitting here

quietly making a racket.

I'm Edison Elf.

I'm a bit of a tinkerer.

Kid, as a tinkerer,

you are a stinkerer.

Hey!

I invented horse socks...

To go with horseshoes...

And a loud watch alarm

for people who snooze.

I'm up! I'm up!

And here is a toy that I know

kids will love.

It's a Jack-in-the-box

with a spring boxing glove.

I call it

a Jack-in-the-boxer.

Box, boxer, glove.

It's a pun.

This would at least get

an honorable mention

if there were a contest

for world's worst invention.

What?

- It's stupid.

- It's clever.

- It's nasty.

- It's nice.

Go show it to Santa

and get his advice.

I will. I will!

He forgot to pay his bill.

oh, we work, work, work,

work, work, work, work.

We work with great endurance.

We never miss a day of work

'cause we don't have health insurance.

We work all night,

we work all day.

We love our jobs,

but come on, hey.

We never get a dime of pay.

We just work, work, work, work,

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