
How Murray Saved Christmas
- TV-G
- Year:
- 2014
- 42 min
- 199 Views
North of the North Pole
and south of the stars
called Stinky Cigars.
The name is so awful
It's a trick that we use
to keep our town quiet.
You'll see that we've got
some celebrities here...
The groundhog, Columbus,
and Chinese New Year.
There's Jack Frost
and Washington,
Lincoln and Cupid,
and dear April Fool,
who's as sweet as he's stupid.
Yahtzee.
- Oh!
- Man!
St. Pat and St. Nicholas fill
our saint quota.
If you're looking
for St. Paul,
check Minnesota.
- Ho ho!
- Har har har.
You have to be
proud and a little bit nuts
to honor a banner
with two smelly butts.
Please join me
in our town anthem.
Ho ho ho ho
ho ho ho ho ho!
Stinky Cigars!
Stinky Cigars!
There's no place on earth,
and no place on Mars
that's as happy
as Stinky Cigars.
The cats never scratch.
The dogs never bite.
The sun shines
all day and night.
All day and night.
Uh! "S" to the T-I.
"N" to the K-Y.
Stinky, Stinky Cigars!
Uh! Life in the S-C is
kind of a dream.
There's a candy cane tree
by a butterscotch stream.
If your teeth all go rotten,
well, don't you scream.
'Cause the dentist gives
fillings of chocolate cream.
Sweet...
Stinky Cigars!
Stinky Cigars!
Yeah, the streets are all paved
with chocolate bars.
There's no smoking
in Stinky Cigars.
I put my head through
a priceless Renoir.
That's no problem
in Stinky Cigars.
No one's got problems
in Stinky Cigars.
Well, that killed half the day.
We've got to get
a shorter anthem.
- It's a nice place to work.
- It's a nice place to grow up.
It's such a nice place,
you just want to throw up.
Everyone's happy,
except Murray Weiner,
owner of Murray's
Holiday Diner.
Murray is grouchy and cranky
and crabby,
nasty and ghastly,
obnoxious and flabby,
ill-tempered, ill-natured,
malevolent and...
- All right!
- They get it.
Yet still everyone
in the holiday bunch
would come into Murray's
to have a great lunch.
You might see George Washington
eating and drinking
on President's Day
with Abraham Lincoln.
And how, you might wonder,
did Santa get that?
Just thank Murray's
chocolate-chip
cheesecake for that.
Ho ho ho!
You get the bagels.
You got the chili.
Thanksgiving Turkey,
stuff yourself silly.
Cupid, you're sweet.
I don't want to be pushy.
But get off my seat with
your bare-naked tushy.
Ooh.
Here's your roast beef,
Leprechaun.
This is rare.
I want well-done.
Much obliged.
And back in the corner,
all by himself,
sat an odd little fellow
named Edison Elf.
What are you doing
playing with food?
It's wasteful and dirty
and terribly rude.
I'm just sitting here
quietly making a racket.
I'm Edison Elf.
I'm a bit of a tinkerer.
Kid, as a tinkerer,
you are a stinkerer.
Hey!
To go with horseshoes...
And a loud watch alarm
for people who snooze.
I'm up! I'm up!
And here is a toy that I know
kids will love.
It's a Jack-in-the-box
I call it
a Jack-in-the-boxer.
Box, boxer, glove.
It's a pun.
an honorable mention
if there were a contest
for world's worst invention.
What?
- It's stupid.
- It's clever.
- It's nasty.
- It's nice.
Go show it to Santa
and get his advice.
I will. I will!
He forgot to pay his bill.
oh, we work, work, work,
work, work, work, work.
We work with great endurance.
We never miss a day of work
'cause we don't have health insurance.
We work all night,
we work all day.
We love our jobs,
but come on, hey.
We never get a dime of pay.
We just work, work, work, work,
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Citation
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"How Murray Saved Christmas" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 26 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/how_murray_saved_christmas_10291>.