How I Won the War Page #3
- APPROVED
- Year:
- 1967
- 109 min
- 598 Views
That is posterior, that is.
Some spy says he gets his hoggins
every Monday, regular as dick,
along with the 18d funeral policy.
- Hoggins?
- Is it right, sir?
- Is he intimate?
- He's no friend of mine, sir.
I ask you, in all conscience,
is it right that a serviceman is forced
to carnal knowledge for the insurance?
No, no, decidedly not.
I'll do anything you advise, sir.
Well, Clapper, is your good lady wife
a willing partner to this hoggins?
No, sir. It's this damn war.
It's got her excited.
And him, he's suave.
- Go on.
- Not in my silk stockings!
Here, you've brought
your child's gas mask.
Oh, no, not in front
of your child's gas mask.
Well, Clapper, lapse the policy.
It's yours, isn't it?
Good. Then lapse it. You don't need
You get the last post.
My word.
Then the insurance will not call
on a Monday for his hoggins.
My life. What you've saved
is my life and my honey pot.
Do you mind if I gives
a jump of admiration here, sir?
Dirty bleeder. He'll have to entertain
somewhere else to obtain satisfaction.
Hold on, I'll rescue you, Clapper.
We didn't all die.
I often didn't feel well.
But I put a brave face on it
and we were soon sent to Egypt,
it seemed at the time,
where I volunteered myself. Didn't we all?
What the bloody hell are you doing here?
I'm here, sir, at your convenience.
Ernest.
I know the names of all my men, sir.
Come over here.
Your eyes are bright.
- My knees are brown, sir.
- Nice, I've got brown knees.
You'd like to get away from here,
Ernest, wouldn't you? See some action.
- My sole ambition, sir.
- I know.
Ernest, I want you to take your troop of
musketeers and go and do this job for me.
If you do it well, you need never
hang around on street corners again.
You can go away and do stirring things.
Would you like that?
Oh, sir.
Sir, I'd give my right arm and leg.
It's not you, sir.
I'm not bored with you. I love you.
In a strict metaphorical way
of speaking, as it were.
I'd give them my arm and leg.
Damn sporting of you, sir.
The lads will be chuffed.
- (gulps)
- I gulped.
I used to gulp like a fish
every time a general touched me.
One time, when I was a subaltern...
Nice eyes.
We are exchanging bubblegum cards.
We are staff officers.
- Have you got Dunkirk?
- Toby's got Dunkirk.
There's a lot of Dunkirk about.
Ghastly colours.
- I do a bit of Sunday painting myself.
- I want School Bombing.
- We know what you want, Toby.
- I want School Bombing.
- (laughter)
- Not much doubt about morale here, eh?
It's funny when the killing starts.
Some of them don't like it.
That's where you come in. I want you
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"How I Won the War" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/how_i_won_the_war_10288>.
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