How I Won the War Page #3

Synopsis: This film features former Beatle John Lennon and Roy Kinnear as ill-fated enlisted men in under the inept command of Lieutenant Earnest Goodbody. The story unwinds mostly in flashbacks of Lieutenant Goodbody who has lower-class beginnings and education which make him a poor officer who commands one of the worst units of the army.
Genre: Comedy, War
Director(s): Richard Lester
Production: MGM Home Entertainment
 
IMDB:
5.8
Rotten Tomatoes:
54%
APPROVED
Year:
1967
109 min
598 Views


That is posterior, that is.

Some spy says he gets his hoggins

every Monday, regular as dick,

along with the 18d funeral policy.

- Hoggins?

- Is it right, sir?

- Is he intimate?

- He's no friend of mine, sir.

I ask you, in all conscience,

is it right that a serviceman is forced

to carnal knowledge for the insurance?

No, no, decidedly not.

I'll do anything you advise, sir.

Well, Clapper, is your good lady wife

a willing partner to this hoggins?

No, sir. It's this damn war.

It's got her excited.

And him, he's suave.

- Go on.

- Not in my silk stockings!

Here, you've brought

your child's gas mask.

Oh, no, not in front

of your child's gas mask.

Well, Clapper, lapse the policy.

It's yours, isn't it?

Good. Then lapse it. You don't need

a funeral policy in the army.

You get the last post.

My word.

Then the insurance will not call

on a Monday for his hoggins.

My life. What you've saved

is my life and my honey pot.

Do you mind if I gives

a jump of admiration here, sir?

Dirty bleeder. He'll have to entertain

somewhere else to obtain satisfaction.

Hold on, I'll rescue you, Clapper.

We didn't all die.

I often didn't feel well.

But I put a brave face on it

and we were soon sent to Egypt,

it seemed at the time,

where I volunteered myself. Didn't we all?

What the bloody hell are you doing here?

I'm here, sir, at your convenience.

Ernest.

I know the names of all my men, sir.

Come over here.

Your eyes are bright.

- My knees are brown, sir.

- Nice, I've got brown knees.

You'd like to get away from here,

Ernest, wouldn't you? See some action.

- My sole ambition, sir.

- I know.

Ernest, I want you to take your troop of

musketeers and go and do this job for me.

If you do it well, you need never

hang around on street corners again.

You can go away and do stirring things.

Would you like that?

Oh, sir.

Sir, I'd give my right arm and leg.

It's not you, sir.

I'm not bored with you. I love you.

In a strict metaphorical way

of speaking, as it were.

I'd give them my arm and leg.

Damn sporting of you, sir.

The lads will be chuffed.

- (gulps)

- I gulped.

I used to gulp like a fish

every time a general touched me.

One time, when I was a subaltern...

Nice eyes.

We are exchanging bubblegum cards.

We are staff officers.

- Have you got Dunkirk?

- Toby's got Dunkirk.

There's a lot of Dunkirk about.

Ghastly colours.

- I do a bit of Sunday painting myself.

- I want School Bombing.

- We know what you want, Toby.

- I want School Bombing.

- (laughter)

- Not much doubt about morale here, eh?

It's funny when the killing starts.

Some of them don't like it.

That's where you come in. I want you

to set up an advanced area cricket pitch.

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Charles Wood

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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