Hot Tub Time Machine Page #2

you're saying, all right?

Look who's awake. What's up, man?

- Hey.

- Hey, man.

What's up?

You look just like my friend Nick.

And you look like my friend Adam.

But you wouldn't be those guys because

I've been calling and calling them,

- and they haven't returned my calls.

- So, listen, Violator.

Me and Nick got a little surprise for you.

Something special

that the three of us can do.

Come on. You guys.

- Are you curious?

- No!

I didn't f***ing try and kill myself.

If I wanted to kill myself,

I'd f***ing kill myself.

I'd be awesome at it.

A shotgun to the dick.

I'm glad you didn't do it.

It's good to see you guys, anyway.

So, just out of curiosity,

what's the surprise?

Tell him.

Ko-di-ak...

...Valley.

No f***ing way!

- Yes, sir.

- Yeah.

- F***ing K-Vals? Holy sh*t!

- Yes, sir. Bang!

We f***ing ski, right? We f***ing rage.

Chimney Point at the end of the night with

a bottle of scotch to wash it all down. Oh!

And you guys are paying

for the whole thing?

- Sure.

- Yep.

Let's go tonight.

- We go tomorrow.

- Let's go now. Let's go now.

I just got to get rid of this thing.

It's really uncomfortable.

You should wait

for the nurse or something.

I got it. I got it.

- Hold on, Lou.

- No, no, no, no.

Let somebody do that for you.

- Oh, sh*t.

- God.

Did I get that on you?

- Yes, you did.

- Damn it!

It's only pee. Relax, it's only pee.

- There's Lou.

- Good, he's drinking already.

Look at this sh*t.

Do you remember when I was 12

and he tried to bite me?

Yeah, but he... You had that coming.

- Hey, Violator.

- Lou.

What the f*** is he doing here?

It's nice to see you, too, Lou.

"Nice to see you,

too, Lou." F*** you, Jacob.

You suck and you know it.

You just ruined my f***ing weekend.

Hey, Lily will come back. Trust me.

- No, she won't.

- No, she won't.

- No, she won't.

- No, she won't.

She basically thinks I'm an a**hole,

you know?

Like a completely self-absorbed,

delusional...

- She's got a point.

- narcissistic.

- F*** you.

- You're better off.

Take my word for it. Look at me.

F*** wives, man. F*** kids.

Lock it down

or they will take everything from you.

God damn it!

Who the f*** are you texting with?

Just a friend of mine.

Male or f***ing female?

For your information,

I've had a lot of girlfriends.

Hot ones.

You have had lots of boyfriends. Gay ones.

Hey, hey, hey, check this out.

I brought a regulation bar

for tubbing tonight.

Nice.

I've got vodka, f***ing Tequilles O'Neals.

You guys are gonna love this.

Check this out.

Chernobly.

It's like the Russian Red Bull.

It's got sh*t in it

that's not even legal here.

Like what sh*t?

How the f*** am I

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