Horse Feathers

Synopsis: Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff has just been installed as the new president of Huxley College. His cavalier attitude toward education is not reserved for his son Frank, who is seeing the college widow, Connie Bailey. Frank influences Wagstaff to recruit two football players who hang out in a speakeasy, in order to beat rival school Darwin. Unfortunately, Wagstaff mistakenly hires the misfits Baravelli and Pinky. Finding out that Darwin has beaten him to the "real" players, Wagstaff enlists Baravelli and Pinky to kidnap them, which leads to an anarchic football finale.
Director(s): Norman Z. McLeod
Production: MCA Universal Home Video
  2 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
68 min

I give you three guesses.

It's the name of a fish.

- Is it Mary?

That's no fish!

- She isn't? She drinks like one.

Let me see. Is it sturgeon?

You crazy! A sturgeon, he's a doctor,

cuts you open when you sick.

You got one more chance.

- I got it. Haddock.

Funny, I gotta haddock too. - What do

you take? - Sometimes calomel...

I'd walk a mile for a calomel.

- You mean chocolate calomel. Me too.

But you no guess it.

Hey, you no understand English?

You only get in if you say swordfish.

Now, I give you one more guess.

- Swordfish... swordfish...

I think I got it. Is it swordfish?

- Ha! That's it! You guess it!

Pretty good, eh?

- Fine, you guess it...

What do you want? - To come in.

- Password? - You don't fool me!

Swordfish. - No, I got tired of that.

I changed it.

What's the password now?

- I forgot it. I better come outside.

Buddy, can you help me out?

I'd like to get a cup of coffee.

Hey, here comes my partner.

Hey, Pinky,

do you know the password?

Get up. That's no way to go into

a speakeasy. That's how you come out.

Hey, what'll you have?

He'll take a scotch.

- Right.

I got it! Swordfish.

- Go outside and see if it works.

Cut the cards.

Now, to business. I'm looking for two

football players who hang around here.

We hang around here...

- That's all I wanna know.

Prof. Wagstaff from Huxley College.

- That means nothing to me.

Means nothing to me, either.

I'll try it over again.

I'm Prof. Huxley

from Wagstaff College.

You didn't stay at the other one long.

Why don't you pull yourself to pieces?

- I'll talk it over with my partner.

In case I never see you again,

what would you want to play football?

First we want a football.

- I don't know if we've got one.

If we had, would you be interested?

No rush, you can sleep on it.

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Bert Kalmar

Bert Kalmar (February 10, 1884 – September 18, 1947) was an American lyricist, who was inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame in 1970. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Horse Feathers" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 20 Apr. 2021. <>.

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