Horrible Bosses Page #2

wanna ride my ass because I'm your son.

You know what? I don't hear you

giving dickskin any sh*t.

- "Dickskin"? Nice.

- Kiss-ass.

-Come on, come on.

- Yeah, go on. In you go.

Get in the f***ing--!

- I'm a green belt, motherf***er.

- What?

- Yeah. All right?

-Okay.

Now, I know you've been working

your tail off for that promotion.

But I'm not sure I can even consider...

...making you the senior vice president

of sales...

...if I can't trust you.

- You can trust me.

- Yeah, now you sound like my wife.

"Trust me. You can trust me, honey.

Nothing's happening behind your back.

Trust me."

Meanwhile, she's f***ing

every guy in the neighborhood.

Oh, you want one?

It's 8:
15 a.m.

Well, is there something wrong with

a man enjoying a drink in the morning?

No.

Thank you. Sure, thanks.

Bottoms up.

Nothing for you?

Nick, it's 8:
15 in the morning.

I'm not an alcoholic.

The only reason I took one,

I thought you were gonna have one.

You took one because you thought I was?

Is that something a senior VP would do?

I was just trying to be polite.

So if I, uh, was gonna put my balls

in honey and shaved coconut...

...you'd do that too?

- I would not.

- Sure?

- Yeah.

- Because I've got some coconut.

I'm having my teeth whitened Tuesday. You

have to get your work done by Monday...

...which means you'll probably

be here all weekend.

Look, if you want a promotion,

you gotta earn it.

Now, what do I keep saying?

Life is a marathon,

and you cannot win a marathon...

...without putting a few Band-Aids

on your nipples, right?

Right.

Nick.

It's 18-year-old Scotch.

You don't really expect me to

pour it back into the bottle, do you?

- Water.

- Yep.

All right. Let's see if this thing's working.

Oh!

- Oh, my God.

-Oh! I'm sorry. I'm a squirter, Dale.

- Oh, you know what?

- What?

Ah. I think I can make out

our little friend right there.

Stop it.

- Somebody's circumcised.

- Okay.

- Listen.

- What?

- Can we stop doing this thing here?

- Why? Because you have a girlfriend?

She's not just my girlfriend anymore.

We're engaged now.

- What?

- We're engaged.

You said that she was

just a hole for your dick.

I never said that.

Not really my style.

Shut up.

That's a lot of gas.

- That's good. No, those are great ideas.

- Yeah?

- Put them down on paper, will you?

- Will do.

- You're happy here, aren't you?

- Yeah, of course.

Good.

You got a bright future here,

you know?

Someday soon,

it'll be you running this place.

- See you, kid.

- All right, now.

- Drive safe.

- Yeah.

Oh, sh*t.

He had a heart attack.

They said his, uh, heart burst in his chest

like a water balloon.

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