Hollywood Sex Wars Page #2

? DO I

? CAN YOU DO IT?

? I, I DON'T THINK YOU CAN

YOU WERE LATE FOR WORK

A MINUTE AGO.

YEAH.

WHAT'S ALL THIS

CLOWNING BUSINESS?

HEY, MAN,

I'M GONNA CALL YOU

BACK, MAN.

IS THIS YOUR HOUSE

OR YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE?

WE CAN ALL LEAVE NOW,

OR I CAN PULL:

THE F***ING FIRE ALARM

ON MY WAY OUT.

ALL RIGHT, FINE.

WOULD YOU ALL:

CHILL OUT?

RELAX, MAN.

YOU ALL AIN'T GO NOWHERE TO BE?

( screaming )

OH, MY GOD!

WE GOT TWENTIES!

I WANT TO JOIN YOUR CLUB.

I WANT TO JOIN YOUR CLUB.

ME TOO!

WHAT'S IT CALLED?

THE NAME IS T.O.B.

T.O.B.?

JUST COME ON SATURDAY,

AND YOU'LL SEE.

OKAY.

WHERE'S YOUR CRAP CAR?

MY HEAD HURTS.

I'M REALLY HUNGRY.

DO YOU HAVE AN ASPIRIN?

MY MOUTH TASTES LIKE ASS.

I F***ING HATE THAT GUY.

JUST GIVE YOUR APPLE,

TELL HER SHE'S PRETTY,

YOU'LL BE FINE.

WHOA, THOSE CHICKS

ARE BUSTED.

GIVES A WHOLE NEW MEANING

TO THE PHRASE:

"WALK OF SHAME," HUH?

HEY, LADIES.

YEAH.

MAX.

WHAT'S UP, MAN?

GOT YOUR HANDS FULL,

HUH, LOVERBOY?

YEAH.

HEY, LATER, MAN.

HERE, UH,

THIS GET YOU, UM,

WHEREVER YOU'RE GOING.

FIVE BUCKS? REALLY?

YEAH. UH, OKAY.

HOW ABOUT THIS? HERE.

VIENNA SAUSAGES?

REALLY?

UM, YEAH.

THEY'RE NON-PERISHABLE.

NO, NO,

I JUST MEAN--

F*** YOU!

ALL RIGHT.

UH, EMAIL ME.

( door slams )

( horn honks )

WHOO!

( indistinct singing )

F*** YOU GUYS!

A**HOLES!

WHAT THE F***'S UP

WITH YOU HAIR TODAY?

WHY YOU ALWAYS TALKING ABOU MY SH*T, MAN? JUST TELL ME

WHAT HAPPENED EARLIER.

OH, ANYWAY, SO,

THESE TWO CHICKS

COME IN, RIGHT?

F***IN' SMOKIN'.

BIG FAKE TITS, YOU KNOW.

AND, UH, YOU KNOW,

I'M BUSY, BUT...

HOW CAN I RESIST?

BUT AS SOON AS THEY LEFT,

I GET THIS FEELING

I'VE BEEN CHUMPED.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

LIKE THEY'RE TRYING TO

PUT ONE OVER ON ME.

LIKE THEY'RE NO REALLY INTO ME,

LIKE THEY'RE PRETENDING.

YEAH.

SO, LATER,

I'M PRINTING UP

THE T-SHIRTS,

IT ALL STARTS:

TO MAKE SENSE.

"WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS

TO BE SELF-EVIDEN

THAT ALL MEN:

ARE CREATED A**HOLES"?

I MEAN, IT'S LIKE THEY

CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH US.

NOW THEY HAVE WHAT?

MAN-HATING CLUBS?

OH, MY GOD!

OH, GEE!

JESUS,

WATCH WHERE THE F***

YOU'RE GOING!

MAN,

I'M SO SORRY, BROTHER.

ARE YOU OKAY, MAN?

NO, I'M NOT OKAY.

( sniffs )

SMELLS DANK IN THERE, MAN.

I GOT YOU.

WE COOL?

WHAT IS THIS,

A F***ING BAG OF WEED?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

HOW ABOUT YOU CALL

AN AMBULANCE?

NO NEED TO CONCERN

THE AUTHORITIES.

THAT'S NEARLY

HALF AN OUNCE.

COME ON, MAN,

WHAT CAN I DO?

LET'S MAKE THIS RIGHT.

HOW ABOUT YOU LET HER

COME RUB IT BETTER?

DO ME A FAVOR...

DUDE, HE IS ALWAYS

WITH THE BOMB CHICKS.

MAYBE WE CAN GET HIM

TO INTRODUCE US TO SOME.

SH*T, OR MAYBE SHOW US

EVEN HOW HE GE SOME OF THOSE CHICKS.

YEAH, I'M DOWN.

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