Hit and Run Page #2
You know,
where you're the one
holding the mop.
Um, fired from
a jack-off booth?
Where the truckers
go and masturbate.
Yeah. I know what
you're talking about.
Well? Would you?
Um...
No. I would not.
And yet, you're here
at Milton Valley,
the jack-off booth
of academia.
I'm not sure
what your point is.
You're too smart and
passionate to work here.
So why do you?
You know, I created
my own major at Stanford.
I have a doctorate
in Non-Violent
Conflict Resolution,
which no university
offers as a major.
They just don't.
So I teach intro
to soc classes.
And I'm... I'm also
in a relationship here.
I'm going to stop you.
UC is starting a conflict
resolution program.
I spoke to the head of
the Sociology Department.
And she's extremely
interested in hiring you
to run that program.
No way.
Now, she's meeting
the other applicant
on Wednesday
and she'll need to
make a decision that day.
Their semester
starts in a week.
(WHISPERS) You're meeting
her on Wednesday.
Oh, my God!
Thank you so much!
I'm so flattered
that you would
even consider me!
I just have to check
with my boyfriend Charlie
because he has...
He can't exactly
leave, uh, Milton.
Annie.
Please.
I went to state school.
I went to football games
and blacked out
and got date raped.
I had abortions.
I worried too much about
what my boyfriends thought.
I got what I deserved.
But that's not you.
You deserve
so much more than this.
RANDY:
I hope yourneighbor doesn't report
Why? You're a marshal.
You're allowed to fire
your weapon, aren't you?
Yeah, but I've had
a couple incidences.
And this would be bad.
Although,
I don't know what more
they could do to me.
This seems like the
bottom of the barrel
as far as being a marshal.
Why did you get stuck
with witness protection?
Because I accidentally
discharged my weapon.
Once at a gas station
and another time at
a baseball game.
At a baseball game?
Yes.
No! Nobody.
Are you kidding me? No!
It wasn't even my fault!
I'm not kidding you.
You shoot your weapon
off at a baseball game
It's not crazy
that I would assume
maybe someone got shot.
Listen,
I asked for a revolver.
A revolver
has a hammer
that you pull back.
And a safety. But no.
What do they give me?
Right.
Jesus Christ, man.
Be careful with that.
Yeah. Look at that.
Okay.
Now, you heard stuff
going on. I mean...
(GUN CLICKS)
(BOTH SHOUTING)
I don't know.
That's not even safe.
Randy, Randy, Randy, Randy.
Please, please,
please, please! Okay?
I'll just...
From now on, don't touch
my weapon anymore. Okay?
Listen, I wasn't...
I know we're
friends and everything.
And it's kind of
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"Hit and Run" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/hit_and_run_10013>.
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