Hello Ladies: The Movie Page #3

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interested in your sex life?

- Loads of people.

- Oh, yeah? Name three.

Kives, my parents,

the computer world.

- They're really interested? - Yes, they're

very... it's a very gossipy environment.

- Wow. - Because they've got

nothing else to live for, have they?

Just nerds. Nerds going, "I wonder

who Stuart's having sex with?"

Well, listen, all right, I'll tell you.

I used to be kind of

awkward when I was at school

and never really knew how to talk to girls.

Even if a girl did talk to me,

it was normally just to fill the time

until someone better came along.

Drink!

Then at college, it was

pretty much the same story.

- Ooh, hang on.

- Who's next?

I'll have a go, yeah.

I'd do anything

to impress some random girl

that I didn't even know the name of.

After college, I got a

job at an I.T. company

and I met this girl there.

Her name was Trudy and

we started going out.

And Trudy was great.

She was really sweet and smart

and we were just sort of

in tune with each other.

Like this salesman, Mike

Moffet, joined the company...

total alpha male, loud and brash.

You know, all the rest of it.

Trudy and I used to laugh

about what a dick he was.

And then, I remember, about three

months after Mike joined the company...

Oh, sorry.

So sorry.

That's when I decided

to move here, you know?

Reinvent myself.

Stuart 2.0.

Hello, ladies. My name's Stuart.

With me, my good friend Wade.

Hello, ladies. Pleasure. Wade.

Hi, pleasure. Wade. Nice to meet you.

- Are you...

- Stuart, Stuart!

I got it, I got it.

So what happened to Mike and Trudy?

They got married

and I haven't seen them since I came here.

But Trudy called me when

we were at your birthday

and they're coming out

here in about three weeks.

Well, how does the model help?

'Cause I want them to see me with a

beautiful woman on my arm, you know?

I want Mike to be really jealous

and I want Trudy to go back thinking

she should never have let me go.

I want them to think that I've won at life.

Well, you may hang out with Glenn.

And I hope you find

what you're looking for.

- And I hope you find what you're

looking for. - Thank you.

- To Jessica 2.0.

- Jessica 2.0.

Whoo!

Feel the heat

Burning you up

Ready or not

Some like it hot and some

sweat when the heat is on

Some feel the heat and

decide that they can't go on

Some like it hot...

- So how you holding up?

- With what?

You know, with you and Jessica.

Oh, yeah. That was too bad.

She really knows her way around a penis.

I want to introduce you to Alan.

Don't look him directly in

the eye. He's weird about that.

Alan, I want to introduce

you to a friend of mine.

This is Stuart.

Honor and a pleasure to meet you, sir.

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