He Said, She Said Page #2

1,500 words on my desk

by five o'clock for publication tomorrow.

May the best man win...

or the best woman.

- This really sucks.

- Tell me about it.

Don't tell me you're done already.

Do you think at all, or do you just type?

I don't need to think.

Common sense tells me what to say.

Common sense, huh?

Tell you what:
I'll wait so we can hand

them in together, to give you a fair shot.

So my years at journalism school

were a waste of time?

- I'm not a journalist.

- I wouldn't brag about it.

- I'm a newspaper man.

- Pithy. Dumb, but pithy.

- Listen...

- Listen...

Go ahead.

After tomorrow, one of us will never

speak to the other again, so I...

How about dinner?

Here you are.

And you, sir.

- To my new column.

- The paper isn't out yet.

- Why not take the rest?

- I just wanted a taste.

- Dan.

- Susan.

Hi.

You look fantastic. Your hair's great.

That's you, that's your cut.

Thank you. And for the flowers.

You remembered I like 'mums.

You got them, I'm glad.

Susan, this is Lorie.

She's...got the cubicle

across from me.

I didn't mean to interrupt. Maybe

we could get together next week.

Great, call me. But don't

change your hair, or the deal is off.

- I won't. Bye-bye.

- See you.

- Don't say a word.

- I do not believe you, it's amazing.

It's like watching

some creeping fungus at work.

Believe it or not,

some people enjoy my company.

All I'm saying is, from what

I've observed of you and your women,

the level of hurt, outrage and distress

you inspire can only be termed massive.

- Does she look hurt to you?

- No. In fact, she looked very happy.

But, you know, ignorance is bliss.

I just don't understand women like that.

Maybe I'm too cerebral.

- That means brainy.

- I know.

You've something on your face,

a crumb or dirt or something.

What are you...? Stop.

- So, public sculpture, for or against?

- What do you think?

- I was against.

- That doesn't surprise me!

They'll print yours anyway.

It's a men's club.

- Come on.

- Know where I'd like to work?

The New York Times.

At least I could influence people there,

even change the way they think.

That's why I want this column.

I don't want to be stuck

reporting weddings forever.

Really? I thought

all women loved weddings.

You think you can get to me,

don't you?

All right,

if we're talking in stereotypes,

all women want to get married,

and all men fear commitment.

You don't understand. It's not fear.

We don't have a choice,

we can't commit.

It's deep inside, an animal instinct

that keeps us separate from the pack.

- Right, like your friend the Wolfman.

- Exactly.

Perfect example:
Wolfman's

a source of strength for us guys.

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