Hatchet Page #2

She said it was a reaction

to her fabric softener, okay?

All right?

I saw it, I asked.

Fabric softener. Look

at you, mister big shot.

"Everyone knows that. " When's

the last time you got laid?

I have sex all the-

- Shut up.

Ladies.

This is really fun.

- Whoo!

Whoa.

That's good.

Good. Uh...

Uh... um...

Give us a kiss?

Ooh, yes.

Yeah, you love it.

You want it.

You need it.

Oh, damn, I-I gotta

change batteries.

God. Brush

your teeth much?

Lick me, b*tch.

No thanks, I like my tongue

without the syphilis.

You're syphilis,

miss big words.

Okay, that didn't

even make sense.

Lick me.

Misty, Jenna...

you can get along for a

couple more hours, can't ya?

Seriously, Doug? I can't

work with that.

I'm a professional actress.

I went to NYU.

What's so funny?

Like anybody's ever

even heard of that.

New York University?

- Never heard of it.

Girls, girls, nobody ever got

discovered by being difficult, huh?

I mean, I-I-I need you guys

to show me the love, all right?

- Fine. - I need to feel the

passion here, all right?

We're rolling.

All right. I need

to feel the passion.

We're rolling.

All right.

You're sensuous...

You're playful.

You're curious.

Hmm.

You're smitten.

Who's ready to do

some hauntin', huh?

Hahaha. The night will

soon be upon us.

The spirits of the damned

are on the rise.

Let's get our souls

on the move, my friends!

What can I do

you two for?

Do you do

a haunted swamp tour?

Why, I do the only

haunted swamp tour!

Real, live ghosts.

Whoo. Tales of the macabre.

And actual sites that are

still damned by voodoo curses.

I hate you.

Oh!

Leaving right now,

40 bones each.

Forty dollars?

- Yes.

All right.

Will you spot me?

Why? You don't

have any cash?

No, I'm just not paying

for this bullshit.

I know, darling.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi there.

How are you doin'?

Oh, my.

Oh, hey.

You mind if

I sit here?

Be my guest.

Hello.

Hey.

Oh, hi.

Uh... so... I guess

I'm sitting here.

I'm Ben.

Marybeth.

Marybeth. That's

a great name.

'Cause it's actually

two names, you know.

Most people just have one,

and that's kinda boring.

Ben.

But Marybeth, it's-

you know, it's Mary

and it's, uh, Beth.

That's a nice coat.

So do you have

any pets or-

Are you enjoying

Mardi Gras?

Yep.

Couldn't find anyone brave enough

to do the ghost tour with you, huh?

Nope.

Right on.

Right on.

Some buddies of mine back

home went on this tour-

Look, I'm sorry.

I didn't come on this tour

'cause I was hoping

that just maybe

I'd get to meet you.

If you don't mind,

I'd like to just sit

and stare out this window

and get my $30 worth, okay?

Hey, what the f***?

Okay, folks, I am

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