Happy Birthday Page #3

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- El gato Enfermo, the sick cat.

- And how does one get

such an endearing nickname?

- Well, his father was the most

feared man in all of Mexico.

He used to cut off the pubic

hair of everyone he killed.

Just as a souvenir.

And keep it around the house.

When El gato was a little boy,

he saw

his brother get murdered

right in front of his eyes.

When they found El gato

afterwards,

they say he was curled up

in a ball,

covered in his brother's blood,

coughing up pubic hair

fur balls. The sick cat.

- Wow.

- That is quite the fairy tale.

But we're not wealthy so

there's nothing to worry about.

- Well, see you later.

- Whoa, come on.

What do you say?

Two guys, two girls?

Last time I checked that's...

Unless you guys are, you know...

Okay, come on. Wouldn't it be

nice to go out with some guys

who can cook you dinner without

having to steal the chicken first?

- You're an a**hole.

- Don't worry about her.

- She's

but I guess I should go

meet up with her,

so maybe I'll see you guys

later.

- Well, hold on, look,

let me get your number.

Maybe we can hang out, even if it's

not here, but you know, eventually.

- It's not gonna work here,

babe.

Call me

when you're in the U.S.?

- I wanna see you before that.

- Hey, hombre, how do you say

"desperate" in Spanish?

- Zona Norte.

That's where we'll be.

Maybe I'll see you?

- I hope so.

Tonight's my birthday.

- Oh.

Happy birthday!

- Uppers, downers,

black beauties,

chemicals, Anthrax.

- Did he just say Anthrax?

- Howdy, boys.

They call me texican.

And I can get you guys

anything you want.

- Oh. Okay.

donde esta Zona Norte?

- "Donde esta Zona Norte?"

You gotta be kiddin' me.

You guys lookin' for girls?

I can get you girls.

What else you want?

- Oh, no, man. I just want

to know where Zona Norte is.

- Come on, gringo. You wanna

experience the real Mexico?

I'm your guy. I'll tell you

what. Give me $500.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Que Paso?

- Are you guys

f***ing robbing us?

You work for El Grando rancho?

- Robbin'? No.

Protection? Yes.

This is El Caballo.

Give us $500

and we'll be your tour guides.

All-inclusive. I'm a walkin',

talkin' resort of debauchery.

And I think you're talkin'

about El gato Enfermo...

And I suggest

you steer clear of him.

He's like the aborted offspring

if jaws had raped

Jeffrey Dahmer,

then John Wayne Gacy

dug it out of a dumpster,

ate it and sh*t it out.

- All right, well,

we'll do our best.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Don't be slingin' that sh*t

around here, tough guy.

El Gato's boys see that,

it'll get bad, fast.

Hey, look, you guys wanna

have some fun?

Steer clear of El gato.

And let us take you

to the real Mexico.

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