Hallam Foe Page #2

What do you want?

Thirty, 35?

Thirty-five?

Well, go on, f*** off, then!

F*** off, then!

Whoa.

- What's your name, son?

- Carl.

- Where's home, Carl?

- I'm staying with a friend.

Not that gentleman

you were talking to?

- No.

- So, your friend, what's his address?

Where the hell is he?

Mum!

Can I help you?

Do you have any jobs, please?

Sorry, we use an agency.

I can give you their details.

Thanks.

Why are you staring at me?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I've never

been for a job interview before,

and I was just wondering if you could

give me some advice on how to do it.

- I'm sorry?

- Would you...?

Could you throw a couple

of practise questions at me, just...

...just for practise?

- How desperate are you for work?

- Pretty desperate.

Well, the highest turnover in jobs

is usually in kitchen porters.

- OK. I'll be a kitchen porter.

- Why do you think you'd be suitable?

Well, it's what I've wanted to do

ever since I was a kid.

Sit down.

Don't tell people

what you think they want to hear.

- Just be yourself.

- OK.

I'm very enthusiastic

and I'm a quick learner,

and I'll work days, nights, weekends,

any overtime you want

for no extra money.

It would be illegal for you

to work overtime for no extra money.

Well, give me a week's trial,

a day's trial.

I want a chance

to get a foot on the ladder.

If everything works out,

you won't pay agency fees.

That's a win-win situation for you.

Remember what I said about

the fast turnover in kitchen porters?

You're about to meet the exception.

- Cutlery, handles up.

- Right.

Go on.

Hey, hey, hey! What is the hurry?

Trying to show me up on your first day?

No.

I f***ing hate this job,

but it's my job.

Do you understand?

I killed a man once.

Smashed his skull on a pier.

Just so you know.

You take the rest. I'm off for a smoke.

Don't make friends with the chefs,

otherwise they'll want favours.

But don't get on their bad side,

or you'll be cleaning out

the fat fryer on a quiet Thursday.

They're all c*nts anyway.

Except TJ. He's OK.

Even if he is a f***ing bullshitter.

Have you ever met an African over here

who wasn't a brain surgeon over there?

Are you listening to me?

Yes, of course.

Brain surgeon. African. C*nt.

Aye, c*nt.

Reach out. One, two.

One. Right knee.

- Hey! Ho!

- Raymond!

- Hey!

- Hey!

Oh-ho! That's gonna cost you.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Are you serious?

- Absolutely.

Come on. You're losing.

That's 4.

- Do you mind if I take a break?

- Do what the f*** you like.

Who are you?

- I'm a... kitchen porter.

- So, what are you doing up here, then?

It's very simple. The staff entrance

is on the ground floor.

So is the kitchen. So is the canteen.

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