Half Magic Page #2

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to introduce you

to a dear friend of mine,

my mentor,

-Dr. Christiane Northrup!

-[CHEERING]

-What a pleasure.

-Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

All right...

I have something...

really magical to tell you.

I love my breasts.

Say it with me.

ALL:
I love my breasts.

I love your breasts, too, Chris.

-And I love yours. Thank you.

-Oh, thank you.

Now it is time to honor

the breasts of the women

in the room.

I would like you to turn

to the person next to you,

and look at her breasts

and say,

"Your bodacious ta-tas honor

me and they honor you."

Find-- everybody find

a partner, please.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Excuse me, could you--

could you be my partner?

-WOMAN:
Yes, sure.

-Okay.

Hi! I don't have a partner.

Is it possible we could do

a three-way?

I've never done a three-way.

This is my third time

taking the class.

First time...

I liked my b*obs.

Second time, I loved my b*obs.

Now...

[WHISPERING] I really, really

love my b*obs.

-Mm!

-Wow.

Yeah. This is a powerful

exercise to release the shame

that we carry

in our sexual organs.

Okay! [SIGHS]

Your bodacious ta-tas honor me

and they honor you.

Your bodacious ta-tas honor me

and they honor you.

Okay!

Your bodacious ta-tas honor me

and they honor you.

Wow! This is my first

lesbian experience.

I didn't know I had it in me.

[LAUGHS]

Okay. I--

are you Eva St. Claire

the designer?

-Yes.

-Wow, I'm--

Why are you in this class?

You seem so together.

Believe me...

I have issues.

WOMAN:
That is now the end

of the class

for the Divine

Feminine Workshop.

We will be meeting next week

to worship

-and decorate our pussies.

-[GASPS]

[CHEERING]

WOMAN:
Thank you.

[ALL CHANTING] P*ssy! P*ssy!

P*ssy! P*ssy!

This class changed my life.

This class,

my color-therapy workshops,

and my past-life

regression conferences.

-What's color therapy?

-Oh!

It's about how certain colors

make you feel.

That sounds helpful.

Oh!

Do you guys want to come

to the place where I work?

I cast magical spells to make

your dreams come true.

I'm a hope-ologist.

-What's a hope-ologist?

-I just made that word up.

Isn't it awesome?

I believe in the religion

of hope, or hope-ology.

I just made that up, too!

I just spent an hour

singing about my p*ssy,

so why the hell not?

Yeah, I mean, it's either that

or going home

to think about how much

I hate myself,

-so let's do it.

-Let's do it!

Sha-ba-lum ah-ooh

Sha-ba-lum

Ah-ooh sha-ba-lum

Ah-ooh

This place is really cool.

CANDY:
Okay.

So...

what do you want to wish for?

-How does it work?

-Oh...

I carve these candles

and cast spells on them.

I don't know

if it's positive intention

or creative visualization

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