Hail the Conquering Hero Page #3

Listen, after a guy's

bought you... Sure, go ahead.

You ought to be

ashamed of yourself.

He ought to be ashamed of himself

for treating his mother that way.

He never had any mother.

He's from a home.

He's a little screwy, too.

He's all right. He just got a little

shot up, that's all. Nothing serious.

So, you're Hinky Dinky's boy.

I travel 100,000 miles and

run into Hinky Dinky's boy.

He was a brave kid.

Not quite as old as you are.

I know. I...

There was 16 of us,

see, in this wood.

There'd be a German right

there, and you'd be right here,

and he couldn't see you,

and you couldn't see him.

Then, all of a sudden, almost right

under your feet, you'd hear the...

Oak Ridge.

Well, sure I know her number,

but isn't it kind of late to be calling

somebody up in the middle of the night?

Are you sure it's important?

He did? Well, why didn't you say so

in the first place, for heaven's sake?

Then Louie is lying there holding

his belly. One of the kids is crying.

Then somebody says,

"Let's draw lots,"

but Hinky says, "I'm the

Sergeant, see. I already won.

"You'll hear them when I

get there, then come in,"

and he starts

through the bushes.

So, there we are. On your mark,

get set... All of a sudden...

Your mother's on the telephone.

She wants to talk to you.

Just a minute. What?

You mean my mother?

That's right.

But how can I talk to her

if I'm overseas?

You dumb cluck!

Because you ain't overseas.

You just came back with us

from Guadalcanal.

You're going home tomorrow.

Going home?

That's right.

Go on.

Are you nuts or something?

The guy is trying to

keep his mother

from knowing

he ain't a Marine.

You want to make something of it? Yeah!

Pipe down!

Hello?

Is that you, Mama?

Hello, Mama.

Sure, I'm all right.

Of course I am.

I never felt better

in my life.

How have you been, Mama?

Did you get my letters?

You did, huh? I was afraid

you might have been worried.

Well, I don't know

about that, Mama.

It's very hard to get leave these

days, what with the war and all.

I just got up to

Frisco for this evening, see.

That I was wounded and honorably

discharged from the service?

Who told you I was wounded and

discharged from the service?

Then she won't have to

worry no more.

Now, wait a minute, Mama,

you'd hardly call it a wound.

It was more like a scratch.

It was more like a fever. Just

a little fever, that's all.

Maybe it's called jungle

fever, Mama, I don't know.

No, I'm not being brave,

but I just don't see how I'll be able

to get home for quite some time, Mama.

No, I'm not seriously wounded.

I wish I was.

I said I wish I could come

home, but I just can't make...

No, you can't do that, Mama. They

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