Guest House Paradiso Page #2

One boiled... Damn!

Pheeb! One boiled... Oh,|forget pheeb. One boiled egg!

Pheeb! Hang on, I'll write it down.

No, no, don't write it down,|just remember it.

'OK. How do you spell "egg?"'

No! Just remember it!

Hang on, I've broken me pencil. I'll|just find another. Oh, sorry. Pheeb!

Eddie! Oh... Pheeb! Eddie!

- Yeah?!|- Look, here's a pencil.

(Squidge and blood-curdling scream)

Aaaarrrgh! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!

Here's the order.|Copy it out and cook it.

But it'll taste all papery.

Just do it or I'll pop these, OK?

OK.

Aaaaaarrrrgh!

Ahh! Ahh! I thought you said "or"!

Freedom of speech.|What we fought Hitler for.

Now, let's just get on with it,|shall we?

Won't be long now.

Could you possibly take our order?

Oh, Edward and Mrs Simpson.

I'd forgotten about you two.

You must be ravenous?

Can I take your order?

Umm...

Oh, all right. Why not?|lt'll kill some time, won't it?

If you've finally managed|to make up your minds.

(Johnson) We'd like|two full English breakfasts.

- Do you have Lapsang Souchong?|- No.

I just put on my underpants|the wrong way this morning.

- Could I get some tea?|- Of course!

(Twat) What a wise choice.

Right...

And if I may say so,|that is a smashing blouse.

- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!|- Aah! Aah! Aah!

My God!

Excuse me a moment.

(Squelching)

- (Squelch)|- Ow...

Heh heh!

No! No!

- (Squelch)|- Ah! You've snapped my pencil!

(Straining)

(Screaming, banging and crashing)

(Eddie) No, no! Not the fridge!

No!

Stop!

Eddie!

I'm sorry!

How long for the egg?

Three minutes, please.

Excuse me one moment.

Ahh!

Uhhhh...urrgh!

Aaaaaaarrrrgggh!

- Ah!|- Urgh!

Urgh! Urgh! Urgh!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Aaaaarrrgh!

Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrgh!

ls there any danger of getting food?

- Breakfast's off.|- Off?

Yes. There is no breakfast.|You're both too fat, anyway.

Really! That's too much!|I've never...

Oh, do shut your gob, lard-arse!

This is preposterous.

You can shut yours, too.

- That's it.|- Darling, don't!

Do you want some, eh? Do you want...

- some?|- He's a black belt in karate!

More like a pink belt in hanging|about gentlemen's lavatories!

Richie...

Hello, bird!

Oh, Richie! It's Richie!

Oh, it's Richie!

Hello...other bird!

It's Richie! Richie!

Come saucy wood-nymphs, gather|from your groves - it is Richie!

Hello!

Hello! Hello! Hello!

Hello, birds!

Come, love-nymphs.|Out of respect for Richie,

let us take out our great knockers|and wobble them about.

Oh, yes, let's!

No, love-nymphs,|let us open our fairy briefcases

and shower him with unmarked tenners!

Erotically...

(All) Hurrah! Yes!|What a smashing idea!

But first, proud, firm young maidens|who are definitely on for it,

let us anoint him with pints|of super-strength illegal cider!

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