Guess Who Page #2

- They cost the same.

- They don't cost the same.

This one's from Saks.

This one's from Macy's.

Saks!

Thank you.

And now I can give my honest opinion.

- I'm digging that one, baby.

- Really?

Well, that's too bad,

'cause I'm wearing this one.

Hallelujah.

Sweetheart.

- Yeah?

- Listen.

Why do you even bother asking me?

'Cause it's a big day for us

and I wanted you to feel included.

Why couldn't you include

Martha Superfreak out there?

Dante is a nice man.

A nice man.

A nice man that part of the time

likes to sleep with other nice men.

Will you stop it?

Would you open your mind, Percy Jones?

Dante is a metrosexual.

- A what?

- He's a straight man with taste.

No such thing. You might as well tell me

he rode over here on a unicorn.

Look, serious face, serious moment.

I need to talk to you.

I know, baby. I'm working on my vows.

Almost got them perfect.

- That's sweet, but that's not it.

- What is it?

This boy that Theresa's bringing home?

I don't know who his people are,

where he's from...

I don't know anything about him.

But what I do know is that

I need you to be nice.

I'm always nice.

Let's be nice long enough

to find out who the boy is.

I already know who he is.

- You pulled his credit report?

- I did not.

You pulled his credit report, Percy?

I mean, I glanced at it.

But a credit report don't tell you

the character of a man.

But being a loan officer for 22 years...

I can size that boy up in an instant.

And you know I got a knack for it.

You know that.

Five seconds. That's all I need.

That's all I need.

- Nobody knows that better than me.

- Say what?

I didn't stutter.

I'm not so good with dads, baby.

I'm good with moms. I'm better with moms.

He's a big guy, right?

Scary big. He also has these...

piercing eyes that just burn

right into your soul.

Don't maintain eye contact for

a long period of time. At least today, okay?

Babe, I'm kidding.

Just relax. It's gonna be fun.

Okay?

- Did you tell them?

- What? Tell them what?

- Babe, don't... The...

- What?

- Did you... I'm...

- Cute? Clean-shaven? What?

Pigment-challenged?

Did you tell them that I'm white?

You're white?

You're white?

Stop the car!

Oh, my God! Look at what you...

Oh, my God.

Simon, I'm so sorry.

- It was a joke, sir. I was kidding.

- Yeah, sister. You're funny.

Simon, are you okay?

- Who are you?

- Are you serious?

Why am I in Jersey?

- Don't worry. It's gonna be great, okay?

- All right.

I'm very sorry. It was a bad joke.

- So, did you tell them?

- No. I only told them the important things.

That I love you.

That you're an amazing man.

That you have a very cute birthmark

on your left butt cheek.

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