Greg Davies: You Magnificent Beast Page #2
- TV-MA
- Year:
- 2018
- 66 min
- 358 Views
that neither Christine or myself
have ever bought or used a sex aid."
Contract fulfilled, old woman.
But it must have got to me,
'cause I found myself thinking,
"I wonder if there's something nice
I can tell everyone.
A nice story I can tell about my mom
to take away the taste of the filth,
you know?"
So I found myself going, "Oh, let me see."
And I thought of something.
When I was eight years of age,
just eight,
but I was a freak of nature then, as well.
Not the six-foot-eight monstrosity
you see before you,
but I was still disgustingly long.
I went past Clinton Cards,
which if you don't know the shop,
it's for people with no taste, largely.
Bankrupt.
And stringy old eight-year-old Greg,
skipped past Clinton Cards
and there was a bear in the window,
three-foot tall.
And I remember going,
"If only I could have that.
That toy, that...
long toy for a long boy."
I said to my mom, "I've seen
this giant bear, could I have it?"
She goes, "Well, we'll chat with Santa
and see what he says."
I go, "Okay."
A couple of days later,
she came back, and she went,
"I'm sorry, love.
I've spoken to Santa, and...
I'm afraid that bear is 75.
Santa can't afford it this year."
I thought, "That's a shame,
although Santa does appear
to be able to afford
quite a lot of f***ing cigarettes."
I was on to Santa.
I'd met him the year before.
I was sharing a room with my sister.
He came in.
His fag wasglowing in the dark.
He was clearly sh*t-faced.
When I said, "Hello, Santa," he told me
to piss off in a woman's voice.
So, I was on to Santa.
But I thought, "Fair enough,
she can't afford it."
I just let it go.
Now, it obviously got to her,
'cause a couple of days later,
she came back...
She went, "Oh...
I've spoken to my friend Carol.
We think we can make you a giant bear."
And I remember thinking, "Uh..."
I was only eight years of age,
but I thought, "Oh...
that sounds sh*t, doesn't it?
That sounds sh*t."
She took a dirty old blue blanket out
of the garage,
and I thought,
"Yep, this is gonna be sh*t."
Then every two days on the buildup
to Christmas, she'd come over...
"Project's coming on.
Project's coming on."
Christmas day, I ran into the front room
and under the tree,
there was a giant parcel for me.
And I ripped it open. And there he was.
I met him for the first time.
BT.
"Blue Ted."
Five-foot tall.
Five foot. They added two feet onto it.
And he became a firm friend of mine
for many years to come.
He really did.
Like I said. It's just...
You seem surprised.
It's just a nice story.
No, no. No, there's no need for that.
We're not in America. It's fine.
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"Greg Davies: You Magnificent Beast" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 17 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/greg_davies:_you_magnificent_beast_9335>.
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