Granny of the Dead

1

- A small town and

no one can flee from betrayal.

And evil is looming too,

he writes their tale.

From deep within hell

a curse rises up,

to strike down the

old and never give up.

The elderly dead will

smell blood in the air,

eating flesh of the young,

and the world will despair.

- Ed, where's gem?

- Babysittin'.

- I know where

she is, I was just

checkin' to see if you knew.

- I know where she is.

- I do miss this place.

- I don't miss this

church, it creeps me out.

- I miss my mum's apple pie.

- I miss your mum's apple pie.

- We used to have some wicked

halloweens here, didn't we?

- Before, but

nothing ever happens.

We should do something.

- Fancy dress?

- Whoa,

shocker'd Freddy,

i got the claws.

- I've got a sheep costume.

- I want it.

- Do you remember

your 18th birthday

when I said I was coming

as the invisible man?

And I just didn't show up?

- That was good, that,

no one saw you all night.

- You need a shave.

- So do you.

- Oi!

- I love the beard.

- Yeah, beards rock.

- I'm hurt.

- Ah.

- Oh, don't please grow a beard.

- Oh, I wish I could.

- Aw.

- Now gas can grow

a bloody good beard.

- I heard he's bangin'

a ripe little thing.

- I heard she's really filthy.

- I'm his best mate

and he hasn't told me.

- You know i

don't like thunder.

- You are just

scared of everythin'.

- Right, I'm off, got

work in the mornin'.

Don't forget the parents

are back tomorrow,

and nan's still ill, so.

Mm, look after her.

Just for one more day, please.

Otherwise I'll be in sh*t, too.

- Shadow on the wall.

- Why are you here?

- Come on!

- Okay nan, it's

time to wake up.

Lazy cow.

Oh, sh*t!

Look I need you to do something

for me, it's an emergency.

- Oh, it better be

a bloody emergency.

- Don't hurt me!

- Zombies take over

the planet?

- Well, not sure about

the whole planet but

definitely our town.

Ah, no, no!

Oh, Jesus, jeez!

Oh, by god!

- Okay listen up.

If this is for real,

there's a few rules.

Firstly, do not

leave your house.

In the first few hours

of a zombie attack,

people will try to escape

because most people are dumb.

Roads will become a

mess, the town a panic.

Stay in your room,

load up on weapons,

prepare to kick ass.

But stay put, and stay alert.

- Hey, boy.

- Listen, nan is from hell.

She's gone f***in'

mad, what do I do?

- F***!

Ed!

My neighbor's a zombie!

- Quick, go away.

Sh*t!

- I'm locked in my room, the

whole town might be infected.

- No sh*t.

- Billy!

- I can't really talk

at the mo, my mum,

she's really pissed!

- God.

I can see his brains!

- No no, no don't look,

don't look.

- Look away!

- She's gone.

- Okay.

So turn around and

stay in your room.

- I'm gonna check it out.

- Okay what was the

point in phonin' me, huh?

Oh, my god!

Sh*t!

Dai,

I'm back

in my room again.

- Good.

Idiot.

Now listen to me and stay put.

- Dude, I think nan was

cooking up pancakes.

- Pancakes?

- Well, a f***ed up pancake.

She's cooking up my cat, she--

- yes!

Zombies will have some

sort of memories left over.

I think certain things

might trigger or stimulate

whatever memories it

has, and act them out.

But she's not all

there, remember.

It's said, the

earlier the zombie,

the more memories it has left.

But soon they'll all disappear,

and all that's left

is its instinct

to eat the livings' flesh.

Look.

Next thing you should

do is phone the police.

The zombie attack might

only be on your street

if you're lucky, so a bit

of help might come in handy.

But don't mention the

zombie thing, okay?

- Right, what are you gonna do?

- Me?

I'm gonna stay put.

Load up on weapons,

and prepare to kick ass.

- Hello,

blackwood police station,

how can I help?

- Yes, uh,

my name is ed, I live at

number nine, high view.

I've got a huge problem.

My nan has gone crazy.

She's very old, and she

doesn't know what she's doing,

but she has a shotgun

and she's shooting up the house.

I need help, the

b*tch has gone mad.

- We take prank

calls very seriously.

- Prank?

I am totally f***ing serious,

my nan has gone completely nuts.

She's been tryin' to

kill me all morning!

- Look sir, wasting police

time is a criminal offense.

- What?

She's already killed my cat.

I loved little moggy.

- Please, sir.

- Okay, all right.

I am wasting police time so

you'd best send someone

around here to punish me.

- Okay, just for the record,

are you saying that your

nan doesn't have a gun

and she isn't

trying to shoot you?

- No, I have the

f***ing gun, b*tch!

Now if I were you I'd

send someone round,

'cause if you don't

I'm gonna have to,

have to blow my nan's

goddamn head off instead.

- Oh,

holy sh*t!

- What?

- I am seeing an old man

attacking the milkman!

- What?

- Oh!

Oh, he's okay!

The milkman has survived.

Ha!

Well, not for long.

- Why?

- He was injured.

Oh, we are in serious sh*t.

Oh, my god, ed.

There is a group of old

zombies walkin' down my street!

How many zombies have you seen?

- Two, my nan and

zimmer frame lady.

Oh plus Corey said his

neighbor was a zombie, too.

- Hmm, he was old, right?

- Yeah.

- With all the zimmers

outside my window,

I've only seen old zombies.

- Old zombies?

- Yeah.

Well in theory only

the dead are turned,

but your nan wasn't dead, right?

- No, but she was pretty ill.

- Then my guess is an infection

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