Goods Page #3
- Year:
- 1981
- 7 min
- 85 Views
Right over there is Selleck Motors.
I thought you might want to take a look.
Jesus, Ben,
looks like a refugee camp for dirty men.
Looks like the bus station
in Total Recall.
We're gonna fix your place up, Ben.
We're gonna get you
a Creatable Inflatable,
goddamn American flag,
balloons, all that sh*t.
Plus, we need a radio and TV blitz,
and we're gonna need to round up
a celebrity to make a lot appearance.
I know just who to call.
Now, let's hit the Hacienda Courts,
or as I like to call it, home.
I mean, I paid for it.
It'd be disrespectful not to masturbate.
All right, let's keep this anonymous.
Don't look at me. Don't look at me.
Don't even... Don't you look at me.
Yeah. Dawson's Creek.
James Van Der Beek, my n*gger.
Okay, Peter,
it's time to go sit in your big chair.
Now, everybody dig in. Don't be shy.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Selleck.
I'm one of those rare birds that prefers
takeout over a home-cooked meal.
Well, I got to tell you, Don,
that is flat-out weird and rude.
But you do what you need to do.
You know, Mr. Don Ready,
our lvy here actually left graduate school
to come back and help us out
with little Peter.
- Wow.
- That's the kind of girl she is.
You can take the girl
out of Temecula, but...
Hey, Brent.
...you can't take Temecula
out of the girl.
You see my wife over there?
Yeah.
It is a dead marriage.
But, you know, you learn to live with it.
You drive around, out at night,
windows down, music up.
Some people call it cruising.
Me, I call it looking for a friend.
- Are you my friend, Brent?
- No.
So tomorrow morning, our troops
will rendezvous with your troops
at 0700, and then
I'll hit the floor for my intro speech,
like a mountain lion
pouncing on an unsuspecting jogger.
Make sure your underwear
is tight tomorrow,
because you will have a boner.
Amen.
I like the sound of that. Right, Brent?
By Tuesday, my friend,
you are back in the black.
Well, hear, hear.
Okay, Mr. Ready,
this business has been in our family
for 40 years, so no sleazy stuff, okay?
Don't worry about it, darling.
We're not gonna break the rules.
We're just gonna bend them a little bit.
Okay, okay. I just... I know your type.
You know, it's all the thrill of the hunt.
I get it.
I mean, you crave it. You corner it.
But, Mr. Ready,
let me ask you a question.
Do you know what to do
when you catch it?
- Oh, my stars. You didn't.
- That's what she was saying.
- Oh, my goodness!
I'm sorry, I apologize.
I'm a Christian man,
or whatever religion dominates
the region that I'm selling in,
but you have to admit, it did sound like
she was talking about
the big vajayjay, right?
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