Goodbye, Columbus Page #2

- Yeah? What was the matter with it?

- It was bumpy.

- A lot?

- No.

I was pretty, and now I'm prettier.

My brother's having his fixed in the fall.

Does he want to be prettier?

Sorry, sorry. I don't mean to sound

facetious, but why's he doing it?

Because he wants to.

Unless he decides to become

a gym teacher, but he won't.

We all look like my father.

Does your father wanna have

his nose fixed too?

- Why are you being so nasty?

- I'm not nasty. My goodness.

I'm suave and sophisticated.

Do I sound nasty?

Now, about your nose,

what does it cost to get it fixed?

A thousand dollars, unless you

go to a butcher. Why?

Well, I have to see if you got

your money's worth.

If I let you kiss me,

would you stop being so nasty?

- I don't always do that.

- Why'd you do it now?

I felt like it.

Feel like it again?

No.

Is that the end of our date?

I don't feel like having a date tonight.

There's my house.

- Come to the club tomorrow.

- I'm not a member.

Be my guest.

- What time?

- Two o'clock.

Mrs. Jerome Lorry,

Mrs. Jerome Lorry, telephone.

Doris, do you know that's

coming out in a comic-book form?

- What are you doing here?

- I'm visiting.

Who?

- You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

- Oh, I am.

You were crazy before,

but you were never pushy.

That's my new career.

I'm gonna be a social climber.

Elliot Tollger, Elliot Tollger, telephone.

- Hi, come on in.

- Hello. Give me your glasses.

I should break

the damn things. I hate them.

I should've worn

my contact lenses anyway.

You could have your eyes fixed.

- Are you gonna start that again?

- I already did.

Hey, Doris, hold this

for Brenda, will you?

I'm not her slave.

Doris, I've wanted to tell you

something for a long time now.

You're a pain in the ass.

Well, that's very nice. Thank you.

After I invite you to the club.

That was yesterday.

Well, what about last year?

- Is that Doris?

- Yeah, she's peeling.

- Yeah, I noticed.

- She's gonna have her skin fixed.

- No, don't do it. Don't, don't...

- I've got something unbelievable.

Doris always invites me here

once a year

so my parents can't complain

her parents don't look after me.

You mean, you don't live

with your parents?

They moved to Arizona.

Arizona? I didn't think anybody

lived there. I mean, any Jewish people.

Only cowboys?

Yeah, and people with asthma.

Which is why they moved there.

To be cowboys with asthma.

You're so stupid.

- That's terrific.

- Why?

I don't know. I guess it

gives them a lot in common.

Only their asthma.

Which is more than most

married couples seem to have.

Why does it seem to bother you?

- What?

- The subject of marriage.

You really notice things.

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