Going Postal Page #2

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Oh, l almost forgot.

Your parole officer will meet you

outside in ten minutes.

Parole officer?

But l'm a respectable

member of society now.

Oh, he's a very respectable

parole officer.

(LAUGHS)

Whoo-hoo!

'The fools had gifted me

a second chance.'

'All l had to do was run faster

and run longer.'

'The plains lay ahead of me.'

'By nightfall,

l'd be in a feather bed

and, by morning,

l'd be back in business.'

(BREAKlNG GLASS)

Uh?

(BANGlNG/WOOD SPLlNTERlNG)

(BOOMlNG VOlCE) You can't run

and you can't hide, Mr Lipwig.

That's what you think.

You gotta be kidding.

Argh!

The rules must be obeyed.

A-a-a-rgh!

l have nothing but good feelings

towards you, Mr Lipwig.

What the hell are you?!

l am your parole officer

and your safety is my concern.

(SHORT SNORE)

(LETS OUT STARTLED SOUND)

Regrettably, we meet again.

Yet l specifically remember saying

that you only ever get one angel.

You didn't say you were gonna set

a clay monster on me.

Rather harsh.

Mr Pump is not a monster,

he's a golem.

lt walked all night,

carrying me and a horse. Quite.

You have to sleep, Mr Pump does not.

You have to eat, Mr Pump does not.

There is no escape for you.

There is only a choice between

reopening the Post Office and...

(FAlNT RUMBLlNG)

But... (NERVOUS LAUGH)

Who cares about the Post Office?

No one posts anything any more,

it's all clacks, clacks, clacks -

look at it.

Do you play Thud, Mr Lipwig?

lt's a fascinating game.

My current opponent is far away

in Uberwald and we play by clacks.

Well, that's the theory, but there

are so many service breakdowns.

Now, as a disgruntled customer,

l should be able to take

my business elsewhere,

but with no postal service,

l am stuck.

And l don't like to be stuck,

Mr Lipwig.

But why me?

Because wheels are in motion,

Mr Lipwig.

Wheels within wheels.

And it is time

for your cog to turn.

(BELL)

The postmaster has the use

of a small apartment.

And l believe there is a hat, too.

Mmm.

'There was nothing for it

but to deploy Rule 1 3 -

when captured,

turn enemies into friends.'

Can we talk frankly, Mr Pump?

A golem is incapable of lying.

Really?

How unfortunate for you.

Fact is, l'm worried.

Lord Vetinari works you so hard.

lt's just not right.

l was built to work.

Don't you ever just want

to kick back and take a day off?

You misunderstand.

Pump is not my name,

it's my description. Pump 1 9.

l stood at the bottom

of a hole 1 00ft deep

and pumped water into the city,

for two centuries.

But now, l walk in the sunlight,

feel the wind on my face.

This is better.

Trouble is, sooner or later,

someone always comes along

and blocks out your sun.

What do you do then, Mr Pump?

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