Goddess Page #2

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Are there protest boats?

You're going with them,

aren't you?

Oh. I almost forgot.

So we can see each other

while I'm away. It's a webcam.

Better hurry up.

The ship's about to leave.

Jimmy, don't be too brave, OK?

James?

Jimmy?

Jimmy?

I'm here.

Hi. Yes.

I'm just trying to work out

whether I'm doing something wrong

or the ship is actually

out of contact.

Oh, I see.

Well...

I'll keep trying anyway.

Jimmy.

Jimmy?

I'm here!

I am here.

Zack! Fred! Nap time!

Right.

Set up streaming

in a few minutes.

Start building your audience.

Bollocks.

Oh, my God! I'm on!

I'm on!

# Welcome to my kitchen sink

# This is where

I stop and think

# Where I'm sometimes

on the brink

# Of madness

# Welcome to my washing-up

# My 40,000th coffee cup

# A place that knows

my every sulk

# And sadness

# Here I'm stuck

night after night

# Here I plot

revenge and flight

# Here's the scene

of wifely compromise

# Pine O Cleen and Lemon Gleam

# The kitchen sink

is where I dream

# And where I fantasise. #

Hello.

My husband gave me this webcam

so that I could

communicate with him,

but he's not there.

So I've decided

to talk to you instead.

Well, sing, actually.

Hang on.

I'll go see if you're there.

You're not there.

I'm talking to myself again.

He was standing

in front of me

with this deadly serious face

and he absolutely looked like

his father.

So I said to him

in my best serious mother voice,

"Well, darling, that's because

Sophie doesn't have testicles!"

Sorry! My ball.

- So, what did he say?

- I dropped my ball.

Sorry, finish your story.

Um, and he said,

"But why doesn't Sophie

have testicles, Mummy?

"Did they fall off?"

Did you need something?

Um...

Mind if I join you?

Uh...

- Um, yeah, sure.

- Sit down.

Look, I'm new here,

and to be perfectly honest,

I'm going a bit loopy.

It's not as wonderful

as everyone makes out, is it?

Being a mother.

Sometimes you just

want to slap 'em

into the middle of next week,

don't you?

You have something on your top.

I think it's banana.

- I would never hit my children.

- No, no...

No, you idiot.

She didn't mean literally.

You know, I bought bananas

at the organic market.

They're not cheap.

But they're good for the planet

and they're not gonna

give you cancer.

Have you heard about putting

plastic bottles in your freezer?

Apparently,

you get instant cancer.

- Are these antibacterial?

- Yeah, of course.

Otherwise, you're just

transferring the germs.

Um, was that you the other day

at the supermarket?

- With the twins.

- No. I don't think so.

Oh! Oh, those kids

were out of control!

- Out of control.

- Out of control. -Out of control.

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