Girls Gone Dead

Ungrateful...

unholy...

without self-control.

Brutal.

Not lovers of good...

conceited...

Have nothing

to do with them.

Nothing.

There will be terrible times

in the last days.

People will become...

lovers of themselves,

lovers of money...

boastful...

proud...

having a form of godliness,

but denying its power.

And another upsetting thing

about these days of ours

is the lack of respect

that young people have

for their bodies.

We must take

control of that.

We must teach our children

that God has not placed

them here

just to

pleasure themselves.

Amen.

And that unclean thoughts

are just as much a sin

in the eyes of God

as the acts themselves.

Isn't that right,

Rebecca?

Shall we show everyone

what happens to those

with unclean thoughts?

Those who have given in

to the temptation?

Those who put their

needs above God's will?

Come, my dear.

Let us show them.

What?

Isn't somebody

gonna help her?!

It's all right, Rebecca.

You're still pure.

You have failed yourself

and you have

failed God.

May he have

mercy on your soul.

Packing, dear?

Yes, Mother.

Mandy should

be here any minute.

Is something wrong,

Mother?

No, of course not.

It's just that I'm gonna

miss you this weekend.

I'm only going to

be gone for two nights.

I know, but, Rebecca,

you just got home

from school and...

I really thought we'd spend

some quality time together.

I'll be home

all next week.

Well, come here a minute.

I really

have to get going.

Now, for your trip,

I got you some things

that no young lady should

be without.

Oh, Mother,

you shouldn't have.

But I did!

This isn't another

Tabernacle Chorus CD, is it?

- Because I-

- Open it!

Thanks.

You may be away

from me this weekend,

but God will always

be with you.

It's for your vigils;

plus to help you

read at night.

I think the house we're

staying at has electricity.

There's one more thing,

keep looking.

Oh.

Wow.

I knew you'd like it.

Well, it's definitely

something.

Well, now that you have

all of your essentials,

it's time to send you off

on your journey.

Let us pray.

May it be your will, God,

that You lead us

toward peace,

and make us reach

our desired destination

in life, gladness and peace.

May You rescue us from...

the hand of every foe,

ambush, bandits and evil.

Mom, I really got

to get this.

- Yo, b*tch.

- Hey, Mandy.

I'm kind of in

the middle of something.

- Can I-

- Well, your ass better be

in the middle of

f***ing packing.

- I'll be there in ten.

- All right.

- I'll see you when I get-

- Ooh.

And Missy scored

the fake IDs,

so we should look

nice and legal this weekend.

All right,

really gotta run.

Whatever.

- May we continue?

- Mm-hmm.

Dear Lord, may thy word be

a lamp unto our feet

and a light

unto our path.

Amen.

Mom, I've really

gotta go.

I know.

And yet again, the most

disgusting company

in the country,

Crazy Girls Unlimited,

are throwing their

annual orgy

in Daytona Beach, Florida.

Every year, we here at HBN

try to protect our youth

from this

collection of perverts,

and every year, the response

is the same.

Just take a look

at their past behavior!

You can become an HBN angel

by showing

your support here today.

What kind of angel

are you?

I'm a nasty angel.

Your souls are

in danger.

These girls holes...

Now that's what's in danger!

And Moses, with the tablet in

his mighty hand,

approached

the mountain and said-

Show me your tits!

We came across this,

obviously, pirated footage

from the Crazy Girls website

on the Internet.

And, to make

matters worse,

Daytona will become this year's

Gomorrah when pornographer

Ronald Jeremy becomes

the master of ceremonies,

and Nicko McBrain will play his

hard rock music.

Big surprise.

When questioned, here is what

their local sheriff

had to say...

Well, Holly, I've spoken

with Mr. Governor at length

and we've come to

an understanding.

As long as they

follow the rules,

I don't anticipate

any problems.

Such filth.

Oh, Mandy's here.

Oh.

Becky!

Long time no see!

You look great!

Thanks, Todd.

- Why are you-

- Hello, Mrs. Foster.

You look younger

every time I see you.

You sure the two

of you aren't sisters?

Oh, Todd,

you're too much.

And I told you a million

times, it's Rosemarie.

So what brings you

here on this glorious day?

Well, when a little birdie

told me that Becky here

would be in town,

I went straight out

and got us...

...two tickets to see

"The Amazing

Technicolor Dreamcoat"

at the Surfside Amphitheater.

Um, I can't,

you see, I-

But Willie Aames

is touring with them.

Rebecca, it sounds like such

a wonderful time!

Then why don't

you go with him... sis?

Rebecca,

don't be ridiculous.

Come on, b*tch!

- Oh, sorry, Todd.

- Bec- Becky-

I got plans

this weekend.

- Gotta run!

- Rebecca!

Bye, Mom!

Well, be safe

this weekend!

Please don't do anything that

I wouldn't approve of!

Just drive.

What's up your ass?

My mom strikes again

with the "Almighty Todd. "

Yeah, I saw that creep

in your driveway.

Seriously, when is

she gonna stop with

that arranged marriage

bullshit?

I know.

She's been trying to set us

up since we were, like, five.

Uh...

Ooh, ooh, I know.

If it works out,

can I come to the wedding?

Please?

I already have the perfect

gift picked out for you.

A key to your

chastity belt.

Hey, hey, hey,

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