Girl in Progress Page #3

how to become dark and rebellious.

And do terrible things like cut class, steal,

and possibly drugs.

But more importantly,

because bad girls go to bad girl parties.

And who else goes to bad girl parties?

Bad boys.

I don't follow.

In coming of age stories

there's always a party.

The kind with drunkenness,

where virginities are lost,

and that's where I'll lose mine.

To the baddest,

most insensitive guy around.

You're going to have sex?

Copulation, or sex, as you call it,

specifically the loss of female virginity

has been the rite of passage

for girls turning into women since

maybe before the beginning of time.

Metamorphosis, Tavita.

The point of no return.

It's how we get our wings.

I'm hungry.

So now I'm free to fly.

And I hop on a bus to Adult-ville.

My coming of age story is complete.

Roll end credits. Bring up the house lights.

I'm not a kid anymore.

And I leave her behind.

Which brings us to the last piece.

The last piece.

To cement maturity,

I'll need to experience something tragic,

like a brush with death.

Represented here by

the Greek demon Thanatos,

who's kind of a jerk.

What do you mean by death?

By the way, I'll need to borrow your sister's

bike to establish my plucky innocence.

Hello, Mrs. Gilmore.

Hi. I need a grandma.

I was thinking someone wheelchair-bound

that I can share poignant moments with

and tell secrets to, and someone

who's a good candidate for dying.

- You work here, don't you?

- Yes. So?

I have a business proposition for you.

Nurse Gilliam.

I don't do birthdays.

Which one is she?

There she is.

Hi.

Can you talk?

Perfect. You don't know me.

My name is Ansiedad and I'm casting you

as my sick, dying grandma.

What's your name?

Maude. I'm going to call you Maude,

is that okay, Maude?

These are for you.

This is only happening

because he makes more money than I do.

How can he get custody of her

without anyone even talking to me?

Listen, I got to call you back.

Students can't just walk in here.

I know. Sorry.

I'm just here because I need

someone to recognize my potential

and watch helplessly as I throw it all away.

Welcome to the team!

Thank you, fellow nerd.

It's all set.

Sorry I finished the cereal.

And the milk.

The dishes?

When I get back. But please know,

I'm gonna start not doing those.

I'm sorry?

As a sign.

We've already established

that chores are something I do,

so my not doing them

will be an early indicator.

I'd explain, but I'm sure you have to go.

I know I do.

So I invited Grace to my chess tournament.

You think she'll show up?

Hey.

Hey.

Ferguson, this is my friend Ansiedad.

What kinda name is that?

Can we talk?

Ferguson?

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