Ghosts Of Girlfriend Past Page #3

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We got a sitcom with Alan Alda

which was all nonstop laughs...

...unless you were the one

watching his friends die.

The war's over, Dad. It was a tie.

You know, we should probably try

to keep going on schedule.

- Hua.

- Hua.

Following the kiss at 1530 hours,

on my mark...

...groom will take bride's left forearm...

...rotate 180 degrees,

orienting north by northwest.

Then I will announce you

as husband and wife.

Following which...

Following which,

you will live happily ever after.

Oh, Daddy.

- So sweet. Oh, my God.

- That is sweet.

- I'm surrounded by huggers.

- There we go.

- No, we're cool, man.

- Come on.

Hey, Uncle Wayne.

Ah, the world's a lot less fun

without you in it, buddy.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

No decorations in here. No.

No. No.

And, yes.

No.

- No! Wha...? What did...? What the...?

- Something wrong?

I got over 30 scented candles

in my room.

- Oh, the wedding scent is lavender.

- The wedding scent?

- And people wonder why I'm not married.

- Not really.

I mean, seriously, Jenny, my Uncle Wayne

is rolling over in his grave right now.

No, come on. Wayne loved a good party.

Party, yes. A wedding? No.

Back in the day that man used this place...

...for mind-numbing, clothing-optional,

weeklong orgies, okay?

Do you know Dean Martin

slept in that bathroom?

He drank from the bidet

and sang the Canadian national anthem...

...in Spanish.

- In Spanish.

- Yeah, I remember Wayne telling us that.

- Yeah. Now that, that was a party. Not this.

You know, people were taking bets

on whether or not you'd even show up.

- Miss my kid brother's wedding?

- That's what I said.

The whole a**hole thing you do

is to get insecure women to sleep with you.

- Deep down, you're a big sweetheart.

- Oh. Look who's got me pegged.

And there's the sarcasm to cover up

the accidental display of affection for Paul.

Hey.

I'm not covering anything up.

And I would also be more than happy to

take off the rest of my clothes to prove it.

Then there's the cheap sexual innuendo.

All the old Connor Mead tricks are back.

Well, don't worry,

your secret's safe with me.

I won't tell anyone you have feelings.

Hua!

Hua!

Oh, gosh.

- Okay. Yeah, it didn't work. Still nervous.

- Let's do another one.

- Sandy, what about him?

- Dan Palumbo. Married.

Oh. Kids?

What? They're not really married

unless they have kids.

Hua.

- Heard, understood, acknowledged.

- Sandy.

Save some liquor

for the rest of the guests.

- Bye, Mrs. Mead.

- Clean my room, pledge.

Slow down. Slow down.

- Hey.

- Here you are, sir.

If you can keep those coming

all night. Thank you.

And now we're off.

- Excuse me, Mr. Mead?

- Mm-hm.

I just wanna tell you,

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