Get Santa Page #3

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get rid of this old banger?

Oh, now, now.

This old banger treated us well.

- I made you both a packed lunch.

- Thank you.

- Have fun.

- We will.

Thank you.

Bye.

Love you.

I'm sorry about last night.

So, do you wanna go and see

Father Christmas?

What do you say we swing by Harrods?

Santa's in prison.

What? No. No. We can't go and see

that old fruitcake from last night.

He's not a fruitcake.

Well, he's definitely a few fries short

of a Happy Meal.

He's Santa.

Look, Tom, I can't get us into prison

to go and see him.

It's not possible. I'm sorry.

No, wait, wait, wait.

There might be a way.

Table six. You've got five minutes.

Right, I'll tell you what.

If I... When I prove

that he's not Father Christmas,

can we just forget all of this

and have a nice day together? Mm?

OK.

Oh.

Thank you for coming.

This place is horrible.

Yeah, well, it's not

a holiday camp, Nick.

- You know my name.

- I worked it out.

- How?

- Well, I thought of Saint Nicholas,

and then I abbreviated it to Saint Nick.

And then, I took away the "Saint".

That's exactly how I came to it.

Oh, wow! What do you know?

I tried other more elaborate names,

but that one seemed to stick.

- We've come to rescue you.

- Thank goodness.

Yeah, we thought we'd free your

reindeer and fly in and pick you up.

No, that wouldn't work because

the reindeer can't actually fly.

I mean, not by themselves, but...

Well, it's complicated.

But if you find the sleigh,

I mean, provided it's not broken,

then you might be able to.

Are you on medication?

Or worse, are you not on medication?

Ho, ho, ho!

- You still don't believe I'm Santa.

- Do you wanna know why?

- Because I'm 30.

- But once you were seven.

Yeah, and I saw a shooting star.

Tell me something I don't know.

It was an exceptionally cold

Christmas night.

Your parents were drunk.

They'd been rowing.

- My parents got divorced.

- This was their last Christmas together.

You ran out into the back garden.

You were crying.

You heard a noise

in the skies above you.

The sound of bells, sleigh bells,

and that's when you saw me.

You knew it wasn't a shooting star.

That's just what your mother told you.

But you had proof.

You found a gift in the garden,

a gift that I had left for you.

What was it? Do you remember?

Why don't you tell me?

It was the most popular gift of that year.

A Rubik's cube.

You still have it, don't you?

Not because of me. Oh, no.

No, you kept it because that was

the last family Christmas you ever had.

How do you know that?

Because he's Santa.

Deep in your heart, you know who I am.

Deep in my heart, you're a nutbag.

The reindeer have been moved

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