Get on Up Page #2

Real bad. And you don’t want toshit at the church house, naw sir.

So you just sit there and thinkabout getting home to your owntoilet in your own master bath onBeech Island, South Carolina. I

gotta a bidet in my master bath.

Love my bidet. And a big prettyoval tub too.

James spins around to man.

JAMES (CONT’D)

You got a bidet, Sir?

He shakes his head. James looks to a woman.

JAMES (CONT’D)

You?

She shakes her head.

JAMES (CONT’D)

Well you gotta get you one. You allgotta get you a bidet. Are y’allsure its really Sunday today?

A woman nods.

JAMES (CONT’D)

What was just saying... Oh, that’s

right. Yes! You gotta take sh*t.

So, after church, you speed back

home and you run like hell to the

house scared you ain’t gonna make

it. But you do. Now imagine

unhitching your pants as your open

your bathroom door. And then you

see me. James Brown. Sittin’ on

your master toilet taking a break.

What would you do?

More sniggers from all over the room. James raises his gunand KABLOOM!!!

James accidentally blasts an enormous hole in the ceiling.

SCREAMS AS EVERYONE HITS THE DECK. James looks up the thehole in the ceiling.

JAMES (CONT’D)

(sotto)

Good God. Tear up the devil. I’m

gone have to get that fixed.

James looks to the gun unsure of how it went off.

JAMES (CONT’D)

Now I’m a busy man, and I’mguessin’ you cats are too. Butsomeone has abused a personalconvenience. Now I ask you nicely.

I’m gone ask you again. Which oneof you gentlefolk hung a number twoin my commode?

James approaches the salesman.

JAMES (CONT’D)

Was it you, Sir? Was it you?!

INSURANCE SALESMAN

Don’t shoot.

JAMES:

I ain’t gone shoot nobody, son.

Then, as if told by God, James spins around and locks eyeswith the woman who used his bathroom. He approaches her.

JAMES (CONT’D)

Ma’am, it was you wasn’t it? Youtook a break in my bathroom, didn’tyou?

She shakes her head and begins to cry.

FEMALE SALESWOMAN

Yes sir, Mister Brown.

JAMES:

Yes you did. Now, don’t cry. It’sgone be okay.

James lowers the gun to the floor. As he tries to console

the woman.

JAMES (CONT’D)

You had to use the toilet. You saw

an opportunity and you took it.

Yeah, I got mad but, Lady, you didright by yourself. I’ve spent mywhole life doing right by myself.

I’m James Brown and I made a

difference.

JAMES LOOKS TO CAMERA AND TALKS DIRECTLY TO US:

JAMES (CONT’D)

You cats may not own my records but

you can bet every record you have

got a piece of me in ‘em. Ain’t

nobody singing today that ain’t

been touched by James Brown.

James turns back to the woman.

JAMES (CONT’D)

So, Lady, you did right by

yourself. And there ain’t no other

way to live. You understand me?

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