George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing Page #3

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Goddam it!"

I just think that's interesting as hell!

That's probably the most interesting

thing you can do with your life!

End it!

I don't think I could that, though!

Could you? God!

I couldn't commit suicide

if my life depended on it!

But I understand it, you know?

I think I do...

I don't wonder about it! I don't

wonder:
"Why did he do that?"

"What was going through his

mind?" You know what I wonder?

Where do you find the f***ing time?

Who's got time to be committing suicide?

Aren't you busy? I've got sh*t to do!

Suicide would be way down

on my list...

...probably down past lighting

my own house on fire!

Am I wanna try a little

self-mutilation first?

You know? Take a couple of

hunks out of my arm...

See if I like the general idea...!

Cause you gotta have

priorities, man! You know?

And you gotta have a plan, too, for

something like that! Gotta plan that sh*t!

People don't just run out the

house and jump off a bridge!

There are things you

have to decide!

Timing is important!

When are you gonna do it?

"Welll, let me see it now...!"

"Wednesday's out. Gotta take

Timmy to the circus...!"

"Survivors's on on Thursday!"

"Friday, I've got my colon cleansing..."

"Folks are coming over on Sunday..."

"Sunday...!"

By God, that'll be just the thing!

Maybe Mum will find my body!

Serves her right for f***ing me up

the way she did!

Then you have to pick a method!

How are you gonna do it?

Well, let me see it now...!

I'm afraid of heights, that's no good!

Can't swallow pills,

Don't like the sight of blood...!

F***ing ovens are electric...!

I'd lay out in front of a

train, except damn track

ain't coming through here

in thirty goddam years!

Maybe I'll just take a gun

and shoot myself in the mouth!

Huh... Suppose I miss!

People'll be laughing at me!

Suppose I live...!

I'd have a big f***ing hole in my head!

I'd have to wear some kind

of dumbass hat!

Well, I guess I'll just hang myself!

That'll be good!

Gotta get a rope!

Oh, sh*t! There's always something...!

I've got a rope

in the garage...!

Ah! It's got a lot of

grease and paint on it!

Don't want to get that

stuff on my neck!

Wal-Mart is having a special

on rope this weekend!

No sense in spending a lot of money

to kill myself!

Then again, I can always

put it on my credit card,

and never have to pay

the f***ing thing!

Eh, that's it, then! I'm hanging myself

and Wal-Mart is paying for it!

What's next? A note...!

Oh, Jesus!

Gotta express myself!

Hell, if I gotta express myself I wanna

be thinking a note or something, I guess...

Where's the pen? Can never

find a pen!

Told the kids not to move the pen

away from that telephone! Goddam kids!

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