George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing Page #2

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It's got a masculine sound!

Like "shotgun", and "ashcan",

and "tow-truck"...!

"Cornhole!"

Everything's been sanitized

now, and cleaned up!

First with these f***ing Christians,

let's just start with them!

Let's not leave out these

PC campus liberal a**holes!

They're just as f***ing bad

from a different direction!

But's everything's different!

Everything's been

polished up! It's "anal

intercourse", "anal rape!"

Bullshit! Cornhole!

I'm a big fan of the prime

time crime shows...

...I like all of them pretty

much, you know, I like

"Law and Order", and all

the spin-offs of that...

I like "CSI", and all of those spin-offs,

'cause they're forensic shows, you know?

And I'm just waiting for

one night to be sitting

there watching one of

them shows, and...

...the chief medical examiner turns

to the lead detective and say "Steve..."

"Looks to me like that after they

killed this guy the perpretators rolled

him over and cornholed him about

thirty or forty f***ing times..."

"And there's a posthumous multiple cornhole

entry wound!"

In prison it's a social activity!

Yeah, it's right there

on the bulletin board!

"Checkers, handball,

cornholing!"

Now, just to change the subject

a little bit...

Do you realize...?

...that right this second,

right now...

...somewhere around the world...

...some guy is getting ready

to kill himself?

Ain't that great?

Do you ever stop and think

about that kind of sh*t?

I do! It's fun!

And it's interesting!

And it's true!

Right this second, some guy is getting

ready to bite the big bazooka!

Because statistics show that every year

a million people commit suicide!

A million! That's 280 a day!

That's one every 30 seconds!

There goes another guy!

And I say "guy" because men are four times

more likely than women to commit suicide!

Even though women attempt it more!

So men are better at it!

That's something else you girls

are wanna be working on!

Well, if you wanna be truly

equal, you're gonna have

to start taking your own

lives in greater numbers!

But I just think it's interesting

to know...

..."interesting", that's a big word in this

show for me...

...interesting to know that at any moment,

the odds are good...

...that some guy is draggin' a chair across

the garage floor...

...trying to get it right underneath

that ceiling beam...

...don't want it to be

too far off center.

If it's worth doing,

it's worth doing right!

Somewhere else another

guy is going over and

getting a gun out of a

chest of drawers...

Somebody else is opening up a brand

new package of razorblades!

Maybe struggling with the cellophane

a little bit, you know?

"Oh sh*t! There's always something!

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