Gentleman Broncos Page #3

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in your stories are suffering.

We're going to begin with a little game

which will demonstrate a theory of mine

known as "The Power of the Suffix."

You. Give me the name

of one of the protagonists in your fantasies.

Nebuchadnezzar.

Oh, boy.

Very original.

I've heard that one before.

But don't worry, need thou not be afraid,

for we can turn a humdrum,

forgettable name like Nebuchadnezzar

into something magical like this...

Nebucoronius.

And it's that easy.

We can add "onius," "ainous," or "anous"

to just about anything,

and it becomes magical.

You. Give me the name

of one of your central protags.

Bronco.

What is he, a centaur?

No.

Does he shape-shift into equine form ever?

No, he's just a man.

Well, then, I would...

I would lose the "C" immediately,

and I'd replace it with an "L." Bronlonius.

And if he's part of a traveling clan,

his clansfellow could call him

Bronlo for short,

except on formal occasions.

Yes?

What about names found in troll colonies?

In troll colonies,

well, that's a different matter.

Give me an example.

One of my trolls is named Teacup.

I don't like it.

I would go with Trojainous every time.

Yes?

But I still like the name Teacup better.

It's not a...

It's not a question of liking it better,

it's just I'm, as an author,

picturing myself as a troll mother.

I have just given birth

to a litter of troll cubs.

They're covered in placentae,

pawing at my many teats

for the vital, life-giving colostrum.

I'm not thinking, "Hmm, Teacup," am I?

It's just not believable.

And if I don't believe it,

the reader doesn't believe it.

Trojainous. Troka Kahn. Trody.

Names in this vein.

If female, Trojana.

Yes?

I thought trolls were supposed

to be named after resources, like trees.

Are you telling me

what trolls are named after?

You do realize I am the author of Troll, Ho

Because it all boils down to species.

Are they tree-dwellers,

bridge-dwellers, subterranean?

A troll wouldn't come up

with a name like Teacup, a little girl would.

Trojainous.

How was the workshop?

I don't know.

Chevalier seems kind of full of himself.

He's kind of lame.

Really? I think he's gorgeous.

He's not gonna like my story,

the names are all wrong.

Oh, I don't think so.

What do you mean?

Well, I thought your story was really good.

Really?

I thought you didn't like it.

Last night you seemed offended.

No. I... I actually thought

it was kind of amazing.

What inspired it?

Some weird surgery you had?

I wanted to write a story for my dad.

He kind of died when I was young.

Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.

He was real brave.

He was a game warden, an explorer.

I see. So Bronco is kind of like your dad,

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