Garage Sale Mystery: Murder Most Medieval

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[CLANG]

[GRUNTING AND CLASHING]

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[SHUTS ENGINE OFF]

[KNOCKER CLAPS]

[DOOR CREAKS]

MRS. SHANNON.

PLEASE COME IN.

MR. WALLACE IS PLAYING

IN THE BACKYARD.

THANK YOU.

[WEAPONS CLANGING]

RIGHT THIS WAY, PLEASE.

[SWORDS CLASHING]

["KNIGHTS" GRUNTING]

AHH!

[THUD]

[THUD]

LIVES OR DIES?

LIVES.

WELL FOUGHT!

[CHUCKLES]

[EXHALES] AH!

THANKS FOR COMING, JENN.

OF COURSE!

WOULD YOU:

LIKE SOME TEA?

SOUNDS APPROPRIATE.

TUCKER, TEA, PLEASE,

FOR JENNIFER AND ME.

LET ME GET OUT OF MY ARMOR

AND I'LL MEET YOU INSIDE.

OKAY.

AHH! GOOD BATTLE, GENTS.

THERE ARE INJURIES,

BUT NOTHING TOO MAJOR.

THE SWORDS ARE THICK

AND DULL-EDGED.

WE WEAR A LOT OF PADDING.

YOU GUYS JUST GET TOGETHER

AND BEAT EACH OTHER UP?

[CHUCKLES]

WE ACTUALLY HAVE A LEAGUE.

THOSE GUYS ARE ALL ON MY TEAM.

WHEN WE HAVE A BIG COMPETITION,

40 KNIGHTS CAN BE FIGHTING

ALL AT ONCE.

A TON OF FUN.

COULD SOMEONE SUBSTITUTE

A REAL WEAPON AT THE LAST MINUTE

IF THEY WANTED TO KILL SOMEONE?

OH, NO. THE WEAPONS

ARE ALL CHECKED BEFORE.

AND IT WOULDN'T TAKE LONG

TO FIND THE GUY:

WITH BLOOD ON HIS SWORD.

[SIGHS] OH.

IT WOULD MAKE A GREAT MYSTERY.

I'VE HEARD ABOU YOU AND MYSTERIES.

[CHUCKLES]

LET ME SHOW YOU:

WHY I ASKED YOU OVER.

OH.

THIS WAY.

RIGHT IN:

THROUGH HERE.

YOU HAVE SO MANY LOVELY

HISTORICAL PIECES.

THANK YOU.

THIS...

IS 17TH-CENTURY JACOBEAN.

NICE FLORAL MOTIFS...

SILK INSET CUSHION.

OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

I'M LOOKING FOR ONE

TO COMPLEMENT THIS.

DOESN'T HAVE TO BE

AN EXACT MATCH.

THAT'S NOT GONNA BE

AN EASY FIND.

IF ANYBODY CAN,

YOU CAN.

THANK YOU.

AND I'M ASSUMING

YOU WANT IT AUTHENTIC,

AND NOT A REPLICA.

THIS ONE:

IS A REPLICA,

BUT DON'T TELL ANYONE.

OH!

[LOUD THROAT-CLEARING]

THE GAUNTLET IS THROWN

BY SIR RICK.

OH!

TELL SIR RICK:

I ACCEPT.

BATTLE CALLS.

KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THAT CHAIR.

WILL DO.

THANK YOU, TUCKER.

GO GET THEM, SIR.

HE'S PROBABLY NOT COMING BACK.

DO YOU WANT TO...

GET OUTTA HERE?

YES, THANK YOU.

THIS WAY.

[]

MAYBE I SHOULD GO.

I SKIPPED THE LAST ONE.

I FEEL KINDA GUILTY.

I LOVE CLASS REUNIONS!

WELL, THE ONE

I WENT TO,

I THOUGHT I WAS:

AT A BIG PARTY:

WITH ALL MY CLASSMATES'

PARENTS.

TURNED OUT I WAS WITH

ALL MY CLASSMATES!

[LAUGHING]

PEOPLE CAN CHANGE

A LOT IN 20 YEARS.

MM-HMM.

I'M PROBABLY NOT GOING.

FOUR YEARS OF:

AWKWARD ADOLESCENCE

DOESN'T REQUIRE

A LIFETIME COMMITMENT.

WELL, KEEP

AN OPEN MIND.

YOU MIGHT HAVE FUN.

NOW, TAKE A LOOK

AT THIS.

THIS IS THE KIND OF CHAIR

WE'RE LOOKING FOR.

OKAY.

YEAH.

[]

OH, HI.

WHY DIDN' YOU JUST CALL THE PLUMBER?

THIS IS A PIECE OF CAKE.

BACK IN COLLEGE, YOU RAN

FOR CLASS PRESIDENT, RIGHT?

YEP, AND I LOST.

WHY'D YOU LOSE?

'CAUSE THE OTHER GUY

GOT MORE VOTES.

COULD YOU PASS ME

THE CHANNEL LOCKS, PLEASE?

THANK YOU.

WAS IT HORRIBLE:

THAT YOU LOST?

NO, I'M GLAD I LOST.

THAT'S DAY

I MET YOUR MOTHER.

[CHUCKLES]

NOW WATCH THIS.

[BOLT SQUEAKS]

[WATER GUSHING]

NUMBER FOR THE PLUMBER

IS ON THE FRIDGE.

[FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]

I DID THE WORK.

IF I DON'T PASS,

I LOSE ELIGIBILITY

AND I CAN'T PLAY.

I'LL LOSE MY SCHOLARSHIP.

FOOTBALL IS NO AN ACTUAL CONCERN OF MINE.

WHAT IS A CONCERN

IS THAT YOUR PAPER

APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN COPIED

OFF THE INTERNET.

[TIM, STUDENT]:
LOOK.

TELL ME WHA YOU WANT ME TO DO

AND I'LL DO IT.

I HAVEN' MADE UP MY MIND.

DON'T... DO THIS.

I'M TELLING YOU--

I'M SORRY, ARE YOU

THREATENING ME, MR. SANDERS?

WHEN YOU...

MAKE UP YOUR MIND,

YOU LET ME KNOW.

I'LL DO WHATEVER.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE GUYS?

THEY THINK,

BECAUSE THEY CATCH A BALL,

THEY DON'T HAVE TO DO THE WORK?

WELL, NOT WITH ME.

SO, HOW ARE THOSE MID-TERMS

COMING ALONG?

GOOD, THEY'RE ALMOST DONE.

EXCELLENT. I'M GONNA NEED

THOSE BY FRIDAY, OKAY?

OKAY.

YOU KNOW, I THINK

YOUR DISSERTATION

MAY BE OVERBROAD.

"THE IMPORTANCE

OF THE MEDIEVAL EPOCH

IN THE HISTORY:

OF HUMANITY"?

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON I FOR THREE YEARS.

DON'T YOU THINK MAYBE--

WHY DON'T WE GRAB

SOME DINNER TONIGH AND, UH, YOU AND I CAN

TALK ABOUT IT SOME MORE?

[EMMA]:
I CAN'T TONIGHT.

I... I HAVE A-A THING.

"A THING"?

-YEAH.

-YOU SURE?

I REALLY DON'T THINK THA YOUR WIFE WOULD APPROVE.

WELL, FOR WHA IT'S WORTH,

WE'RE GETTING

DIVORCED.

OKAY, YOU'RE GONNA

HAVE TO GIVE ME:

A LITTLE MORE:

CREDIT THAN THAT.

IT'S NOT THE MOS ORIGINAL LINE,

I'LL GRANT YOU THAT,

BUT IT DOES HAPPEN

TO BE TRUE.

ROBERT, I'M--

I'M SO SORRY.

I HAD NO IDEA.

IT HAPPENS.

SO... DINNER?

SURE.

AND I DON'T THINK

MY DISSERTATION:

IS OVERBROAD.

I THINK MAYBE:

THE TITLE...

[]

[JENN]:

I WAS GONNA COOK DINNER.

WHAT INSPIRED YOU

TO GET TAKEOUT?

WE CAN'T USE THE SINK.

WHY CAN' WE USE THE SINK?

I'M REPLACING

THE FAUCET,

SO THE WATER'S

SHUT OFF.

MM. WELL, YOU KNOW,

THE PLUMBER'S NUMBER'S

ON THE FRIDGE.

OH, YEAH, THANKS.

I SAW A REAL:

MEDIEVAL BATTLE TODAY.

REALLY?

WITH, LIKE, KNIGHTS AND ARMOR

AND EVERYTHING?

-MM-HMM.

-WHERE?

OH, A CLIENT'S HOUSE.

HE STAGES BATTLES

IN HIS BACKYARD.

THAT SOUNDS SO COOL.

NO.

NO, WHAT?

NO, YOU CAN' JOIN IN.

CAN I WATCH SOMETIME?

MAYBE.

-[OTHERS CHUCKLING]

-YEAH.

I THINK HANNAH WANTS

TO RUN FOR CLASS PRESIDENT.

REALLY? WOW!

THAT'S GREAT.

DO YOU REMEMBER:

WHEN YOU RAN?

YES, AND I LOST.

[CHUCKLES]

I REMEMBER:

YOU SITTING IN THE QUAD,

FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.

I WASN'T REALLY

THAT UPSET.

BUT THEN I SAW THIS CUTE GIRL

WALKING ACROSS, AND I THOUGHT,

IF I LOOK SAD AND FORLORN,

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