Ganja & Hess Page #2

I'd throw myself in one of your lakes.

But I have an absolute

horror of drowning.

Then your horrors outweigh your manners.

I tried not to involve you.

Mr Meda... there's no possible way

for you to know this,

but I'm the only colored on the block.

And if another black man

washes ashore around here,

you can believe the authorities

would drag me out for questioning.

Will you please come out of that tree?

I got into this very heavy idea

about suicide.

And I tried it once before,

this was a long time ago.

I was actually sitting on the floor

of the kitchen where I was living.

This was in New York.

And, er... I really had this idea...

It was a very schizophrenic idea,

because I was, you know...

...that...

...I was a victim on one hand,

and on the other hand,

I was, er... a murderer.

You understand? It was very complicated,

but that's what I was going through.

And it was like the murderer...

I can't start with the murderer,

I got to start with the victim.

The victim didn't want to die.

I didn't know why, everything was OK

but I didn't want to die.

And then the murderer, you know,

that's what...

And I was in the kitchen and I took

a knife and put it right to my neck.

I couldn't do anything.

I just couldn't do it.

It was like... What am I saying?

It was like... the murderer

let the victim cut.

It was like a cat-and-mouse game.

You understand that?

You know that feeling?

"To the black male children...

"Philosophy is a prison.

"It disregards the uncustomary things

about you.

"The result of individual thought

is applicable only to itself.

"There is a dreadful

need in Man to teach.

"It destroys the pure instinct to learn.

"The navigator learns from the stars.

"The stars teach nothing.

"The sun opens the mind

and sheds light on the flowers.

"The eyes shame the pages of any book.

"Gesture destroys concept.

"Involvement mortifies vanity.

"You are the despised of the earth.

"That is as if you were water

in the desert.

"To be adored on this planet

is to be a symbol of success.

"And you must not succeed

on any terms,

"because life is endless.

"You are as nameless as a flower.

"You are the child of Venus,

"and her natural affection is lust.

"She will touch your belly

with her tongue

"but you must not suffer in it,

"for love is all there is

"and you are cannon fodder

in its defense."

And O Lord...

...that as we are baptized

into the death of thy blessed son,

our savior, Jesus Christ,

and by continually mortifying

our corrupt affections,

we may be buried with him.

Through... the grave and gate of death,

we may pass to our joyful resurrection.

By his merit...

...who died the same...

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