Gangsta Granny

Synopsis: Whilst his parents Linda and Mike spend every weekend ballroom dancing 11 year old Ben goes to stay with his granny, whom he initially finds boring. Then one day he finds a huge collection of jewels in a biscuit tin and discovers she was once a notorious burglar, the Black Cat, though she was never caught as she never tried to sell her spoils. Ben decides they should pull off the biggest heist of all, stealing the Crown Jewels from the Tower of London, using his intimate knowledge of plumbing to enter. Despite his parents' disastrous attempt to get him on the dance floor and the intrusive Neighbourhood Watch warden Parker the couple effect their daring plan. They do not succeed but are allowed to escape by a Royal personage, whom they happen to meet. Sadly Granny does not make it to Christmas but her legacy lives on - in the millions raised for charity by her jewels and the profound effect she has had on the Royal personage.
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Family
60 min

Upstairs in my bedroom

trying on sequinned outfits.

Do you remember all those years ago,

when you put your hands on my belly?

We felt those little kicks

and said...

He's going to be a dancer!

What happened?

Ben, are you going to be long?

I need toilet.

Finished! Go and have a manly chat

with him. But I really need to go.


Cor, men.

So, Ben, we're having a guy chat.

Father to son.

What are we chatting about?

Oh, er, football. Eh, son?


To be honest, Dad,

I don't really like football.

What? I said

I don't really like football.

Me neither. It's just, me

and your mum are worried.

You spend all your time plumbing.

But I love it, and I want to be

a plumber when I grow up.

Yes, yes, but it's tough

to make it to the very top

of the plumbing world.

You need something to fall back on.

Like what?

Ballroom dancing.

See you later.

See you tomorrow.

Maybe more like 12. Or one.

Benjamin, isn't it?

Hello, Mr Parker.

How's the Neighbourhood Watch?

18 visits in as many weeks.

Any weapons on you?


Nunchuckas? No.

Ninja throwing stars? No.

Bamboo fighting sticks? No!

So, you have spray cans with

which you intend to graffiti-ise

the close. No.


Purpose of visit?

I'm here to see my gran.

The so-called pensioner.

Terrence, camera please.

Look into the lens.

On your way.

Gran? I'm...

You hungry, Ben?

Sort of.

Oh, good, cos I've got

a new cabbage soup on.

To be honest, Gran...

As much as I love cabbage,

you know, I'm a bit...

Cabbaged out?

Yeah, exactly.

And have you got

anything that isn't...

Cabbagey? Let me think.

I might have some biscuits.

There's a tin in the kitchen.

Go have a look.

Try on top of the cupboard.

You all right in there, Ben?

Did you find anything?

Not a thing. Nothing. No.

Rate this script:(1.33 / 3 votes)

David Walliams

David Edward Williams (born 20 August 1971), known professionally as David Walliams, is an English comedian, actor, author, and presenter known for his partnership with Matt Lucas on the BBC One sketch show Little Britain. Since 2012, Walliams has been a judge on the ITV talent show Britain's Got Talent. He wrote and starred in two series of the BBC One sitcom Big School, playing the role of chemistry teacher Keith Church. In 2015, he starred as Tommy Beresford in the BBC series Partners in Crime based on the Tommy and Tuppence novels by Agatha Christie. Walliams is also a writer of children's books. He has sold more than 25 million copies and his books have been translated into 53 languages. He has been described as "the fastest growing children's author in the UK" and his literary style has been compared to that of Roald Dahl. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"Gangsta Granny" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 3 Apr. 2020. <>.

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