Game Night

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1

Who cares about

winning? Let's get drunk!

Now we're going

into the lightning round.

Let's do it.

So from now on, you'll

be shouting out your answers.

Get you drunk, Merkins.

You too, Borgs.

I'm thirsty. Huh?

I need four shots of vodka,

four shots of water.

I want you to send the vodka

over to the Merkins'.

Send the water to us.

You understand?

What former

Supreme Court Justice...

- Oliver Wendell Holmes!

- Correct.

Yes!

Again, I'd like to ask

the players to allow me to...

To finish the question.

Very funny.

Okay, okay.

This is getting embarrassing.

So we need to focus.

'Cause this isn't a game.

It literally is.

Bill, do not test me

right now.

Looks like we're

down to two teams.

So for double points,

what is the name

of the purple Teletubby?

- Tinky Winky!

- You're both correct.

He always carried a...

- Red purse.

- Yeah.

- And he loved big hugs.

- Big hugs.

I know. I'm Max.

Annie.

Ha-ha! You're never

gonna be able to

hold on to Asia! You hear me?

Hey, if you take Kamchatka,

and I take Mongolia,

we could trap Linda

in the middle.

- Starve out her armies.

- Hey!

You can't form alliances.

Worked for Hitler, right? Hmm?

You're high-fiving Hitler?

All right,

you got this. Last one.

Oh, that's Twilight Saga:

Breaking Dawn.

Yes!

I'm up, I feel good.

Two words.

Bill. Overweight.

- No.

- Single. Out of work.

What the f***?

Hairy.

Carry, marry.

Marry!

You. Me.

Marry me?

Dude, we got it! We got it!

Annie, will you?

Will you marry me?

- Is that a yes? That's a yes!

- Yeah!

I'm really happy for you guys.

- Lot of pressure here.

- Yeah.

You miss,

you lose it all.

Stay outta my head.

And you know you have

a distinct advantage

with the smaller hands, right?

Your goal posts

are not as big.

Well, I guess you

should've married Uma Thurman.

Yeah, that would've

been great.

There's a snap,

here's the hold.

- Ooh!

- And a text.

That was interference.

Sorry, honey. I know

how much that meant to you.

- Come on.

- Dr. Chin is ready for you.

Uh, great.

I think we've determined

why you've been

having trouble conceiving.

- Okay. Let's have it.

- Okay, great.

Oh, what's that look? Is it me?

Of course it's me.

I'm not loving your semen.

- Oh?

- Your count is excellent,

but your motility

is well below normal.

- That's too bad.

- What would cause that?

It can be genetic,

environmental factors.

Nine times out of 10, though,

it's psychological.

Have you been feeling

anxious or stressed?

No, I don't think so.

Not really.

Uh...

He's always a little stressed.

You don't have to write...

I'm not...

Honey, she's writing it down.

Well, Max is very competitive.

As am I.

We sure are.

One of the reasons

I fell in love with him.

Maybe that makes him

a little more prone

to stress than normal people.

"Normal people"?

How long has this

been going on, Max?

It's not going on.

Oh, well, you did say

even when you were a kid,

you would freak out

if you lost at anything.

Oh, I was a kid.

Especially if you lost

to your brother.

Hmm.

Hey, is that what this is?

No.

You have been so uptight

since you found out that

Brooks is coming to town.

I don't think that's true.

- Could that be a factor in all this?

- Let's be fair.

Sibling rivalry

can be very powerful.

Cain and Abel, the Baldwins.

- The what?

- The brothers.

I'm not sure

why we're discussing this.

She's not a therapist.

You're not a therapist, right?

With all respect.

- No, but I am a doctor.

- Sure.

And I believe in treating

the whole patient.

So, what is it

about your brother

that makes you

feel emasculated?

Are we gonna do this?

We're right next to the room

where I masturbated.

I think he has it in his head

that Brooks is cooler

and more successful

and hotter than he is.

I never said "hotter."

He's charming.

That's interesting.

And is he single?

What's that?

I don't know

if I mentioned it,

but Keith and I

are on a trial separation.

- Oh.

- Keith?

Uh, Keith.

So, do you think your brother would

wanna grab a cup of coffee with me?

Gosh, I don't know.

Well, it doesn't hurt to ask.

Hurts a little.

Now, is he a tall fella?

'Cause I'm only 5'2".

We're all done with my semen?

He is taller than Max.

Good.

But he did date

this ballerina once,

and she was just

a teeny-tiny little thing.

Ooh.

Honey, Gary.

Don't mention

game night, okay?

Mmm-hmm.

- Good evening, Max.

- Hey, Gary.

- Annie.

- Hello there.

Hi, Gary!

Just checking the mail.

Oh, yeah?

Some people check it

earlier in the day,

but there's always a risk

that the mail carrier

hasn't come yet.

This spares me the chance of

a futile trip to the mailbox.

Uh-huh.

Plus, it allows Bastian here

the opportunity to urinate.

You have a good one.

Any plans for this evening?

No.

Perhaps a game night?

We're just gonna stay in,

- just the two of us.

- Mmm-hmm.

- Boring.

- Mmm.

I see.

I do hope you keep me in mind

for any future game nights.

You bet.

I've always enjoyed the

camaraderie of good friends

competing in games

of chance and skill.

Yeah. Yeah, well,

we'll do that,

but tonight it's just

the two of us.

Three bags of Tostitos Scoops,

I notice.

There was a special

on these tonight.

Three for one.

Three for one?

Yup.

How can that be profitable

for Frito-Lay?

These corporations,

I don't know

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