Synopsis: Curator Harry Deane is an expert in fine art, but he's equally accomplished in taking abuse from his insolent boss. That's about to change. The plan - trick the avid art collector into buying a fake Monet painting. To assist in the heist, Deane hires a rowdy Texas cowgirl to help him fool the richest man in England. But as the plan begins to unravel, Deane finds he is falling in love with the rodeo queen, ensuing further complications.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Michael Hoffman
Production: CBS Films
Rotten Tomatoes:
89 min

PJ Puznowski. Think, man.

You stupid bastard, what!

Welcome to London.

Before we throw you

into the thick of it,

I should give you a bit

of the history.

Monet's Haystacks.

On September 15th, 1891, during

the course of one very productive day,

the master Impressionist

finished two oil paintings:

"Haystacks, Dawn",

"Haystacks, Dusk".

"Haystacks, Dawn" was traded

amongst various private collectors

over the years.

"Haystacks, Dusk" was put on display

in Paris at the Jeu de Paume.

That is,

until the Nazi occupation of 1941.

"Haystacks, Dusk"

was carted off to Carinhall,

the private residence

of Air Marshal Hermann Gring,

for the delectation of his eyes only.

In 1945, Carinhall is overrun

by the first division of Patton's army,

the Big Red One.

The point platoon is led

by Sergeant Brian "Bulldog" Puznowski,

the Killer of Kilgore, Texas.

Your grandfather.

For the next 67 years,

the whereabouts of Haystacks, Dusk

has proved one of the art world's

most tantalising mysteries.

And what is all this to Shabandar?

A man of outsized appetites

and enormous enthusiasms,

and no few eccentricities;

an avid nudist, a case in point.

Owing to his considerable fortune

and my not inconsiderable knowledge,

he has assembled

the most important collection

of Impressionist masterpieces

in private hands.

The prize? Haystacks, Dawn.

Acquired at auction 20 years ago

in spirited bidding.

The bid is with the gentleman

on the aisle. The bid is 8 million.

- Good heavens.

- I have eight and a quarter.

The bid is with the gentleman

on my left.

The bid is against you, sir. The bid

is eight and a quarter million pounds.

Shabandar rolled

all his competitive impulses into a ball

and outbid his great rival,

Akira Takagawa.

He purchased the painting

Rate this script:(3.00 / 1 vote)

Joel Coen

Joel Coen was born on November 29, 1954 in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA as Joel Daniel Coen. He is a producer and writer, known for No Country for Old Men (2007), The Big Lebowski (1998) and Fargo (1996). He has been married to Frances McDormand since April 1, 1984. They have one child. more…

All Joel Coen scripts | Joel Coen Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Gambit" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 18 Jan. 2021. <>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    The Marketplace:

    Sell your Script !

    Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.

    Thanks for your vote! We truly appreciate your support.