Funny People Page #2

and I was so good at it, I thought,

like, "Maybe I should get a guitar."

Then I thought like, "I'm

really good at Grand Theft Auto,

"maybe I should start

beating up hookers."

Okay, that got me. That was humorous.

I thought you'd like that.

But, yo, I ain't got no dough, man.

For real, if I had

some dough, I would go.

I'll pay your cover charge.

That's the night I

take my wife out also,

so you gotta pay for my b*tch, too.

Okay, I'll do it. Okay. If

you come and laugh. Laugh loud.

(LAUGHS)

Like that? That's good. Perfect.

I'll see you Saturday then.

Okay, good. Thank you.

Craig, listen to me. I'm

doing the best I can, okay?

I wiped your ass our entire

childhood. Now it's your turn, buddy!

Well, you're the one that asked

the wizard to make you young again.

I didn't mean this young!

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Last time I had a suit

on, at my bar mitzvah.

My bar mitzvah, it was the last...

And now I got the same

suit. It's the same suit.

I think it looks good. The bar

mitzvah was a good day in my life.

I made more money that day than

I think I'll ever make again.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

You know, it's really sad. To

peak at 13 is a weird feeling.

MAN:
This is indicative

of the kind of...

GEORGE:
Yo. Yo. Shoot

that. Look at that!

Both those girls just go,

"That's the guy from MTV. "

I swear on my life, those two

girls, they were just going,

"That's the guy. " It's

the second time it happened.

I got off a... I got off,

I got off the bus, and...

I mean, the train. I'm walking out...

Me and Ann traded shifts. My

family's in from Green Bay.

You know, come to see how their

daughter's doing in the big city.

You know, wait, you went

to school here, right?

(PHONE RINGING)

LAURA:
Hello?

Hey, Laura, it's George.

How's the northern side

of California going?

What do you want, George?

I was wondering if

you had a few minutes.

I wanted to talk to you about something.

Actually, I don't. I was

just walking out the door.

Is it okay if I get your number

and I'll give you a call back later?

I know I'm not supposed to call you.

I just wanted to let you know that,

that I really am so

sorry about everything.

I'm sorry, I screwed up.

Too bad you didn't

realize that back then, but

anyway, I gotta go. Do you

want me to call you back?

No, you don't have to call me

back. I know you're not going to,

but I just wanted to let you

know I was sorry one more time.

Okay. Well, all right.

Okay, good luck, George.

Okay.

(CLEARS THROAT)

You know, so, like, I have this joke

about how, like, you never see, like,

a very attractive, blonde,

big-breasted homeless woman.

You know, like, someone will take

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