Friday After Next
'Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse.
Goddamn, Day-Day.
Take it all.
One, two, get up, three.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
Damn! That's an ugly-ass baby.
Eyes cocked like a pistol.
All I want, Santa Claus,
is two fat b*tches and a bag of weed
and two bags of chips
to give to the fat b*tches.
What the...
No Christmas ham in here. Nothing.
lt's a damn shame.
All l want is two fat b*tches
and some cheeseburgers
so Cheeco can lick on them
and two years' supply
of rolling paper.
Two pieces of bologna. Yeah, baby.
This gonna be good right here.
I'm so hungry.
What the hell
you doin' in my house
eatin' a big-ass sandwich and sh*t?
Nigga, I'm Santa Claus.
Where's the milk and cookies?
Santa Claus!
Sh*t!
You better get your ass outta here!
Goddamn!
Day-Day! Day-Day!
All I want is a fat b*tch with
a name belt that say ''Glitter'' on it.
Day-Day! Help me, man!
Merry Christmas, motherf***er!
As you can see.
I got my black ass
back in the ghetto.
the only place
where you can get robbed
by Santa Claus
on Chistmas Eve.
Sh*t!
I don't know if I can handle
another goddamn Friday.
This sh*t hurt.
Day-Day! Wake up, man!
We just got robbed!
Get your scary ass up, man!
I know you heard that sh*t!
Get out of here, man!
Wake your ass up!
Come on, man,
I gotta call the po-po!
What you say? Damn.
We just got robbed, Cheeco.
Unit 415. man
in the middle of the street.
Then what happened?
Then I caught him.
I hit him, like, four times.
I would've been a boxer,
but I was in Special Education.
I'm telling you,
I was whooping his ass!
Craig got to fightin' with him,
he beat his ass.
- Go check out the bedrooms.
- Sure.
What else did he get?
Like I said,
he took all of our presents,
he took my CD collection,
he even took
Day-Day's baby pictures.
And he got our speaker
with all our rent money in it.
Rent money!
- Sit your ass down!
- Who got the rent money?!
You ain't about to do nothin'.
Jumpin' up like you Mr. Get Bad.
Where was you when he was
beatin' my ass with that tree?
- Craig, my leg is hurtin', man.
- Good!
Yeah, he got
the rent money. All of it.
You're positive he was dressed
like Santa Claus?
Jolly white fat guy,
little red suit,
couple elves packin' the bags.
Picture Ol' Dirty Bastard
Can you picture that?
Do you know who
I'm not big on that.
You oughta be nervous.
You a black cop.
You two motherfuckers huddle up
or something and find this dude.
Stay right there.
I ain't goin' nowhere.
- Calm down.
- I'm calm.
- You're gonna sit in the car.
- Do your f***ing job!
You're pushing the wrong buttons.
We the victims, man.
That victim sh*t is way overblown.
Just sit there and shut up.
A**hole.
Makes me want to go home
and lock up all my sh*t.
You gotta stop talking
to the police like that.
Shut up! You better stop
talking to me like that.
I could kick your ass
for the way you actin' this morning.
We gonna have our Christmas party?
How we gonna have a party
with our apartment looking like this?
We can't cancel the party, man!
What about the hos we had coming?
I invited some nice-ass girls.
They gonna f*** for a buck,
do something strange
and I know we gonna
make them holler for a dollar.
One said they was gonna
suck my dick from the back.
I ain't never had that
ever happen to me.
I'm trying to go see
what that be like right there--
Look, man, I don't give
a sh*t about you, that party.
All I got to worry about is the rent,
and it was your idea
to use half the rent money...
Dix, I think we got something here.
Well, well. Whose is this?
Actually, it's both of ours.
No, it ain't!
lt is, but it's for
medicinal uses only.
I mean, he got cataract,
lazy eye, a little glaucoma.
- See that eye right there?
- Little shot of gonorrhea, see?
Do you guys have any idea
what we could do to you for this?
- No.
- Juvenile center?
We can make your Christmas
worse than it already is.
Being that it's Friday,
that means you're not gonna
see a judge till possibly Monday.
Maybe.
But, since we're nice guys,
we'll just confiscate this plant,
take it with us until we find
That's f***ed up, too.
Oh, hey,
and when we find St. Nick,
what do y'all want us
to do to him, you know?
Cracked ribs, fractured skull,
little eye gouge?
Fractured skull,
beat the sh*t out that motherf***er.
- Eye gouge, that's the sh*t.
- And an eye gouge.
I say stick a plunger in his ass,
like they did in New York.
Fractured skull.
We'll let you know
if anything develops.
Officer A. Hole and B. Dix.
We'll call you...
if we find anything.
I like them police right there.
You got a big pile of dog sh*t
in the middle of your bed.
You might want to check that out.
Merry Christmas.
He's the dick.
What the hell
Happy Holidays, Miss Pearly.
Police running in and out!
What the hell is going on?
Somebody broke in
and stole all our stuff.
That bullshit security.
I sure hope they
didn't get the rent money
'cause you two niggas
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"Friday After Next" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/friday_after_next_8595>.
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