Frasier Page #3

Season #1

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Frasier:
And I just rented a Charles Bronson movie for later!

Martin:
Let's cut the "Welcome To Camp Crane" speech. We all know

why I'm here. Your old man can't be left alone for ten

minutes without falling on his ass, and Frasier got stuck

with me. Isn't that right?

Frasier and Niles glance uncomfortably at each other.

Frasier/Niles:
[laughing] No, no!

Frasier:
I want you here! It'll give us a chance to get reacquainted!

Martin:
That implies we were acquainted at one point.

Niles fakes some chuckles, Frasier glares at him.

Niles:
Well listen, [picks up the suitcases] why don't I take

Dad's things into his new bachelor quarters so you two

scoundrels can plan some hijinks!

He leaves.

Martin:
I think that wife of his is finally driving him nutso.

Frasier:
Yes, we Crane boys sure know how to marry. [goes to the

kitchen] Let me get you a beer, Dad. So, ah, what do you

think of what I've done with the place, eh? [returns and

sits on the couch, handing a beer to Martin] You know, every

item here was carefully selected. This lamp by Corbusier,

the chair by Eames, and this couch is an exact replica of

the one Coco Chanel had in her Paris atelier.

Martin:
Nothing matches.

Frasier:
Well, it's a, it's a style of decorating, it's called

"eclectic." [off Martin's look] Well, the theory behind it

is, if you've got really fine pieces of furniture, it doesn't

matter if they match -they will go together.

Martin:
It's your money.

The doorbell rings. Frasier gets up; as he goes to the door, he

gestures at the view of the Seattle skyline offered by the balcony

windows.

6 of12

Frasier:
Dad, what do you think of the view? Hey, that's the Space

Needle there!

Martin:
Oh, thanks for pointing that out. Being born and raised

here, I never would have known.

Frasier chafes briefly; then, he opens the door to a delivery man,

who has with him an old, battered, and aesthetically unpleasing

Barcalounger.

Man:
Delivery for Martin Crane.

Martin:
Oh, in here! [gets up]

Man:
Coming through!

He quickly wheels The Armchair into the room. Frasier and Niles

(who has returned) look on aghast at this latest addition to the

apartment's luxury furnishings.

Frasier:
Excuse me, excuse me, wait a minute-

Man:
Where d'you want it?

Martin:
Where's the TV?

Niles:
[points] It's in that credenza.

Martin:
Point it at that thing.

Man:
[sees a designer chair in the way] What about this chair?

Niles:
Ah, the chair? Here, let me get it out of your way.

He lifts it away carelessly, and it is replaced by The Armchair.

Frasier:
[shocked] Niles, Niles, Niles, be careful with that, that's

a Wassily!

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