Fool's Gold Page #2

What's up?

Oh, my God, are you from Cuba?

Lucky for you we happened along,

my most superfluously toasted friend.

Water, water.

It appears that you have run dry

of the sacred nectar.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

All hail Neptune,

and those who party on his mighty waves.

- Hail, Neptune. Whoo!

- Hail, Neptune. Whoo!

Decent rescue.

Holy sh*t.

Go faster. Whoo!

Take a left right here.

I'll give him a few more minutes,

Mr. McCintry...

...but if he's not here by a quarter past...

...I'll be forced to award everything

to Mrs. Finnegan here...

...by default.

- I'm gonna kill him.

- Do you wanna go to prison?

If it gets me out of Florida?

Honey, Florida didn't ruin your life.

You did.

You married a guy for the sex,

and then expected him to be smart.

Aah.

Maybe he had car trouble.

Car trouble?

Yeah. You know...

...car trouble.

He'd have to own a car...

...which he couldn't even if he wanted to

because he has no money.

He has no credit.

He has no clue how to behave

like a responsible adult.

Oh...

Which is why I can't get a loan,

because everything is in our name. Ha-ha.

I can't even pay for school

and finish my degree...

...which is what I was doing

in the first place...

...before I got dragged down here

on spring break.

But like you said, the sex was really...

...really, really great.

Do you have any idea

how humiliating it is...

...to get divorced by yourself?

Your Honor, this is a big mistake.

This woman...

...and I still love each other.

Don't do this, Tess.

Look, I know I messed up, all right?

But I'm willing to change in any area

that you feel needs work.

I wanna make you happy.

I'll do anything.

I'll see a counselor.

Will you come to Chicago with me

like you promised?

Could be... I mean, that could work.

I'll definitely see the counselor.

Mr. Finnegan...

...I can't tell you what a pleasure it is

to inform you that under Florida law...

...you and this woman have been divorced

for the last 50 or 60 seconds.

Moreover, as you were not present

at the time of the proceedings...

...she got everything.

We're divorced?

I'm afraid so.

Why?

Excuse me.

Oh, wait, Tess.

I gotta tell you what happened.

Tess.

We found it. Me and Alfonz.

About a hundred yards off the reef.

Right where we always said she'd be.

Oh...

Prove it.

Excuse me, excuse me,

you have a pen, paper?

Anybody got a pen, pencil,

paper, anything?

Your uselessness is epic.

What does that mean? Here we go.

All right. Alfonz and I are diving...

...and I come across this plate,

dinner plate, about yay big.

It's plain white...

...but this...

...was stamped on the back...

...in blue.

It's the Vangor family crest, Tess.

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