Flypaper Page #2

Just stay the f*** out of our way.

You got it, big city. Rooty-tooty.

You gotta be f***ing kidding me.

What now? What are we supposed to do?

What does he want?

You two, could you...

Does he want us to come over?

It's okay.

You, come here.

Watch him.

Give us a sec.

-You want to come?

-F*** off.

Put the guns down. Put the guns down.

All right, come here.

Let's introduce ourselves.

There's no reason why we can't be friends.

I'm Peanut Butter. And this here's Jelly.

Those ain't our real names.

DARRIEN:
Jesus Christ.

We wanted something

that goes good together,

and Milk 'N Cookies was already taken.

You gotta be f***ing kidding me.

I want all the hostages out here now!

All right, everybody.

Cell phones, pagers, f***ing Twitter things.

Anything with an on/off switch.

Yeah. And guns, obviously.

Thank you for being a terrible bank guard.

Hey, guys, I gotta get out of here.

Of course you gotta get out of here.

You're a f***ing hostage.

Get in there!

Hey. Shut up and don't touch anything.

-Get away from the f***ing door.

-Can I...

-Stay away from the door.

-All right!

Please don't kill me on the toilet.

Jesus Christ. It smells like

an arsehole factory in here.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself, mate.

These guys are awesome.

Major league, baby.

Obviously on behalf of the bank,

I'm just terribly sorry.

Okay, let me just amend that.

We're terribly sorry.

-Rex, please.

-Hey, everybody, I'm Rex Newbauer.

I'm a loan officer. And we're in luck.

Certified post-robbery counselor.

I've counseled

over 75 bank-robbery survivors.

We're gonna make it here, gang.

Now, our primary objective

is to become a cohesive unit.

Sir, may I help you, please?

Our primary goal is to get out of here alive.

Okay, well as an expert

in standard bank robbery procedure...

There's nothing standard

about this bank robbery.

We have two heists going on

at the same time with a dead body,

which basically guarantees

that the bank robbers

are gonna come in here and kill us all.

-What?

-Don't tell me that, man.

That's some bullshit. I don't wanna die.

People, let's stay calm!

(SCREAMS)

Okay. Now, this bank opens at 5:00 a.m.

By that time

my colleagues and I will be long gone.

You're all locked in here, okay?

So, even if you were to get out of this kitchen,

you can't get out of the bank.

So sit down and shut up.

What if one of us has a condition

that requires us to use the bathroom a lot?

Yes, there will be bathroom breaks.

You will not try to escape.

You will not try to contact

anyone outside of the bank.

You will not make noise.

(BEEPING)

Really, a watch alarm?

What are you, like, in the sixth grade?

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