Father of the Year Page #2

---

Oh, yeah, money's the reason.

[PJ] It is, dude. 100%.

[Larry] That looks pretty good.

You know what you can do?

You can get latex gloves,

'cause they are pretty much the same price

and then you can use 'em five times.

Wait, are you even allowed

to use condoms in Christian Science?

F***, yeah, we can. Just not for sex.

Come on, guys. Let's go.

[Ben] "Come on. Let's go."

Hey, what... Oh, my... What...

Ben O'Malley?

Meredith Parker!

-Oh, my God.

-Oh, holy sh*t!

Well... You were my first kiss.

Yeah, yeah, in sixth grade.

You would Myspace me at night

-and then run and hide from me at school.

-Yeah.

We were boyfriend and girlfriend

for two months,

and then we kissed

and you just never talked to me again.

Real nice, Ben.

Come on. I was so embarrassed.

Remember you were much taller?

Wait, do you remember how that old lady

thought you were my baby brother?

Yes. Oh, my...

I should have kissed you then.

That would have really freaked her out.

Anyway, you look great.

Yeah, I grew up a little bit, just stopped

cutting my hair like Dora the Explorer...

-Started wearing makeup.

-So did he.

He got you, dude.

Yeah. Good one, guys. I have a bad zit.

You know, I was thinking it looks

a little cakey. Is that Este Lauder?

CoverGirl, actually.

Okay. What shade did you use?

Light nude, I think it was.

Looks good on you. Yeah.

-Hey, do you wanna split a drink?

-Um...

I should probably get going.

I have my first day of work

tomorrow at Postmates.

It's like the Uber of delivery.

Wow. Well, I don't know if you know this,

but we never actually, like,

officially did the breakup.

Which means that

we're still technically dating.

-No!

-Yes, I know.

I've cheated on you a lot.

-Oh, no.

-Sorry.

Oh, man, I've been nothing but loyal.

This is just not working.

I think we're done.

Oh, well, it's good to have some closure.

Well, I'll see you in, like,

another eight years?

Okay, yeah,

or you can give me your number.

Forty-three.

I'm still gonna call it.

Sweet meeting you.

Yeah. That was a lot of fun.

She just grabbed you

and started kissing you?

Yeah, I guess. I don't know.

Last time a random girl just grabbed me,

she was falling down the stairs.

Oh!

Dude, if that guy came over here

and tried to fight you,

-what would you do?

-That guy's a Marine, dude.

I wouldn't do anything. I would

take my beating like a true American.

What would you do?

-I'd probably blow him first...

-Mmm, yeah.

...and then take my beating.

Hey, who would you fight?

-I don't know. I wouldn't fight anybody.

-Yeah.

Actually, I take that back.

-I'd fight PJ.

-Yeah.

And your dad. I'd totally fight your dad.

No way, dude. Wayne would kick your ass.

Rate this script:1.7 / 3 votes