Failure to Launch Page #3

Young men develop self-esteem best

during a romantic relationship,

so I simulate one.

We have a memorable meeting.

We get to know each other

over a few casual meals,

he helps me through

an emotional crisis,

then I meet his friends,

if he has any,

then I let him teach me something...

But the bottom line is,

he bonds with me.

He lets go of you.

He moves out.

But how do you make sure

that he'll fall in love with you?

You look nice,

you find out what they like,

and then you pretend to like it, too.

That is pretty much how it works.

What about sex?

Al, I never have sex with a client.

Besides, I need to keep Tripp motivated,

and let's face it, after men have sex...

Is there anything that we need to do?

Well, for starters, you could make life

a little more difficult for him.

You know, more chores,

more responsibilities, that kind of thing.

I just think you should know that Tripp

has had some rough breaks.

I promise you, when this is over,

Tripp is going to be an independent,

self-sufficient adult.

Shut up, dude! Don't help him!

- Watch the safety. No, no, no.

- No, he's in a run defense...

Don't do it! Don't do it! I got you!

I got you!

- Throw it to Moss. Throw it to Moss!

- Watch out! I'm going deep!

No, you don't! Sh*t!

That's a bad word, Jeffrey.

So is "bastard," but that just means

your parents aren't married.

- Look at him! Look at him!

- No! Sh*t!

He could go all the way!

Touchdown!

Yes!

- Sit down!

- That's a face!

That's great, man.

That's good sportsmanship.

Nice dance.

Wow, my forehead itches.

That's cool, the "L" for loser.

Keep it up, little man.

I'll make you walk home.

Hell, you are such a good uncle.

That's like eight miles.

It'll take you two days.

- Hey, boys.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- Tripp, we're going out.

All right, listen, you got any more

chips and salsa downstairs?

Oh, I didn't get to the store.

But you could go.

And you said you needed

your basketball shorts,

so I put them in the laundry.

- Right. Thank you, babe.

- But I didn't get to it.

So you're going to need to do a load.

A load?

And your bathroom needs cleaning,

so I left the stuff in the hall.

And when you're done

with the rubber gloves,

just remember to turn them inside out.

Bye.

Something's wrong with your mom.

This is really nice.

I've never actually been

on a sailboat before.

Hey, I'd be fine

if I never set foot on solid ground again.

You know, I bet I'd really love it

if we ever left the dock.

Well, yeah!

But to actually take you out on the water

on a first date

would be very forward of me, Paula.

Well, so far I must say

I'm very impressed.

Beautiful setting, a simple meal...

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