Failure to Launch Page #2

Excuse me.

- That's mine.

- Yes, ma'am.

You're buying that?

No.

Want a cocktail, blanket or anything?

No, I just need my 20 minutes.

- For what?

- To clear my head.

I come here to relax.

You know what helps me?

Put on the Food Network.

Takes the edge right off.

Gotta find what works for you.

Okay, look, the salesmen don't mind

because I bring them coffee,

and the music selection

is a soothing blend

of mid-'70s singer-songwriters

and smooth jazz.

It's practically narcotic.

And, usually, people leave me alone.

Sure they do.

There's what you're talking about.

It's nice, huh?

Yeah! I make fun of my parents,

but these babies are sweet.

- I'm Paula.

- I'm Tripp.

You know, usually I don't sleep

with someone on the first date.

I don't think this counts as a first date.

It would be a date if you asked me

to have a drink tonight.

Wanna have a drink tonight?

Can't. How about lunch tomorrow?

Sure. Wait. Tomorrow's Saturday.

Sometimes I eat on Saturdays.

No, I'm doing something

with my nephew.

How about Monday?

I'll meet you here.

Beautiful.

Hey, hey!

Hey, Paula.

Good news, it's Champagne Thursday.

It's Friday.

Yeah, Thursday came twice this week.

For the third straight week.

There's talk of making it permanent.

Kind of like daylight-savings time?

Right. But for booze.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

Shut up, you whore.

I'm sorry.

Was I sipping too loudly for you?

No, you're not sipping too loud.

It's that goddamn bird

outside my goddamn window.

What the hell kind of devil bird

chirps at night?

I think it sounds kind of pretty.

You met a guy today.

As a matter of fact, I did.

He's cute, too.

I met a guy today, too.

Really?

He's a radiologist.

Well, that's a step up.

He offered to give me a full-body scan

next week, free of charge.

Those don't come cheap, you know.

I know. I'm pretty excited about it.

How cute?

Cute.

Well, Tripp's a really nice guy.

He's smart, he's sweet, he's funny.

We had a wonderful first meeting.

I see incredible potential here.

So all systems are go?

Based on the initial

personality assessment,

I think that I can have your son

moved out of this house

and living on his own by June 15th.

Hallelujah!

Well, you know, you'd be amazed

at how many adult children

are still living at home.

Now, it's my opinion that the root cause

is a lack of self-esteem.

Oh, Oprah talks about that all the time.

Oprah don't know crap!

Heck, when I was growing up,

nobody had self-esteem,

and we turned out fine.

You're a rock, Al.

You make me a better woman.

Look, many young men who should

be able to move out, simply can't.

It's called "failure to launch."

And that's where I come in.

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