Evil Feed
1
Ever since I
can remember
ever since
this baby spoke
I've been vying
for a stint
in the land of
mirrors and smoke
you know I love the
smell of whiskey
and I hate the
taste of gin
but I always
feel at home in a
place that
soaked in sin
but I want
to leave it
all behind
if I could
find me a man
to treat me right
but until then,
then, then
I'm gonna do, do, do
is just to hang
my head, head head
and cry boo hoo hoo
Agh, leg me out!
I thought I told
you two to clean up!
You know how many health
codes you are breaking?
Tut!
Tut tut tut!
Dad!
Dad!
There's some vietnamese guy
named phat here to see ya.
Uh, yes, uh, bring him in.
Yuki!
Dad, who is this guy?
Mind your business.
But this is the
family business!
No, this is my business.
Mister phat
phook to see you.
it's phuk.
Phat phuk.
Mister phuk, welcome!
Mm.
I'm so glad you
could make it.
So, this is it.
Looks like a shithole.
Oh, but let me assure you.
It is a real gem.
Then why are you selling it?
Selling?
Dad, you can't sell this!
F***!
Why you not giving
it to your boy?
Because he is just that.
A boy!
So, I get everything.
The name, the recipes...
Everything.
Hm.
Uh, how about the
house special?
Oh.
Complimentary, of course.
Yuki!
I'm sorry, boss.
It was the last one.
And we were closed,
so I figured...
You figure nothing!
Dad!
A disgrace!
I am surrounded
by incompetence!
Yuki!
I have an idea.
Why don't I cut off her tits
and serve them to you on a
platter?
You can eat silicone?
Ha!
Yeah, you can eat...
Gah!
Get the hell out of my
restaurant before I make you
the house special!
welcome to the long pig.
yuki.
Mr. Tarasov.
Welcome back.
Look at you.
Even more beautiful
than I remember.
Mm?
Mm.
Ah!
How was your flight?
Eh, flight was flight.
Food was crap.
But, I am happy to be here.
Well you have nothing to
worry about, because the
food here is spectacular.
As you can see, we've
made some improvements,
mr. Tarasov.
These are the new tatami
rooms, offering our guests
comfort and privacy
while dining.
Very nice.
We currently have a
Just this way to
steven's office, please.
Mr. Tarasov,
here to see you.
Mr. Tarasosv!
Welcome back!
Well.
I'm loving what your father
has done with the place.
Actually, dad's retired.
I run the restaurant now.
Really?
I've never seen it so busy.
Oh, I know.
It's been hard work,
but I've created a
state-of-the-art
dining experience.
My innovative method of meat
tenderizing combined with my
riveting entertainment make
the long pig the newest rave
in dining.
I like to call it...
Tendertainment!
to fight our in-house
gladiators, and then after
the fight, our guests get to
bid on any body part
they choose to dine on.
Hm.
Does that include
famous dickey roll?
Well, that dish is a
little time sensitive.
Preparation for that one is
Ancient chinese secret, yes.
Yeah.
So, tell me.
Where is my old friend?
I want to congratulate him
on what a wonderful job his
son is doing.
Aha.
He's right over here.
What the f***?
Hi dad!
An old friend is
here to see you!
I'm sorry.
It seems like retirement has
closed him off to the world.
Ahh, the next fight!
This local sensei
just joined us.
I hear he's a real
master of the art.
Allow my hostess to escort
you to your tatami room.
Mm.
Oh, and mr. Tarsaov,
please do stay for dessert.
I've prepared something
extra special for you.
Complimentary, of course.
Very nice.
not now, yuki?
Mmm.
All work and no play make
makes the cat go astray.
I said, not now.
Come on baby.
Hey!
I'm trying to
run a business.
It's a big night, okay?
I've got lots of
guests to attend to.
Okay, fine.
After the dinner rush.
You have a meeting with
the bookie tonight.
After!
I promise.
What does a girl have to
do to get laid around here?
Sheila!
Sheila!
What have you done
with my daughter?
I'm going to kill you?
You hear me?
I'm going to kill you all!
Dad, I'm here!
Dad! Behind you!
Cocktail while you wait?
You win.
It's over.
You win!
cut!
Jenna, you alright?
Yeah.
Yo, damn girl.
My bad.
I thought you was
going to duck.
You okay baby?
I can take a hit.
Nash...
You need to control
your kicks, a**hole?
Hey, hey, hey, hey ,hey!
Chill out, chill
out, chill out!
It was an accident, man.
You'd better be more
careful next time.
Yeah, whatever hair.
Hey!
-What'd you say?
Huh?
Hey!
Thanks for your concern, ladies,
but I think we've got it.
Let's go cut this fight.
Yeah, she's right.
Let's get sensei's approval
and get thing uploaded, alright?
We'll edit out the part of
you kicking his daughter
in the face.
It was an accident, man.
Babe, can you tell your
girlfriend we want the footage?
Lay off, alright?
We were really on today.
This should get us
our million hits.
I have to go.
Look, nash is nash.
Don't let him get to you.
He's kind overprotective, but
he's got a really good heart.
He's an ass.
You're right, he's an ass,
but you're my best friend,
so can we squash
this please?
Alright. Squashed.
I do have to get going.
Midterms.
Well, we need you to edit
the promo piece to show my dad!
One hour.
That's all you get.
Dad?
Sheila?
Isn't there supposed
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"Evil Feed" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/evil_feed_7818>.
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