Everybody Wants Some!! Page #2

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plain hurt our feelings.

Aww.

Do you also hate guys

that are athletic, intelligent,

sometimes endearingly clumsy,

or is that just her?

Hey, Finn, did you mention hung?

I didn't mention hung, Dale, not yet.

Okay, um...

Y'all wanna know the truth?

Always. It'll set you free.

I like the quiet guy in the back seat,

in the middle.

Well, there's nothing here.

Lesbians.

Yeah! Did you guys hear that?

- I didn't hear anything.

- Delusional.

- Freshman's hearing things.

- No, dude.

Quiet, non-a**hole guy

in the back, that's me.

Wait, no, guys.

Yeah, no, I think I heard

her say something like,

"The guy in the back,

whether he knows it or not,

- "is a cock jockey."

- Oh.

- Yeah, but I heard "cock gobbler."

- Cock gobbler.

I heard, "The guy in the back seat,

"his cock looks like an outie bellybutton."

Oh, yeah. Are we mistaken?

That's what we heard.

Yeah, I can see

how that could get threatening.

All right, new guy coming in,

getting all the ladies.

Hey there, freshman,

I've f***ed more girls

than you've cranked off to.

- Hey, do me a favor. Stop for a second.

- Why?

I wanna see what room she's in.

Just give it up, son.

This just went from "cute"

to "restraining order."

Just do it. I'll buy the first pitcher.

Okay. Now you're talking

our language a little.

All right,

what are we looking at? Let's see.

Okay. Stop, stop.

Okay, that's her.

Hey.

All right, 307. Help me remember that?

- Sure, man, 309.

- No, 307.

- 304.

- Can we go now, Mr. Stalker?

Weirdo, man.

30-12?

Damn. Hey.

- Huh? Yeah?

- That was pathetic, man.

She was using you, a peasant,

to f*** with us, the kings.

Look, if you'd opened your mouth, too,

you'd have been shut down.

You don't see that?

No, I don't, actually.

Only been at college an hour

and I'm already pulling in

the groupies, man!

That was a joke.

Got your joke right here.

Did he just call his dick a joke?

That's what he implied.

- To the Fox?

- To the Fox.

Didn't it seem

like most of the girls we saw today were,

you know, moving into

the dorms on campus?

That's what we're talking about!

Oh, thank God. Finally.

Mmm-hmm.

Thanks, man.

So don't you think we would get more

ass living on campus?

You know, where all the girls are.

No, no.

Have a clue, freshman. The dorms suck.

You guys have no idea.

They gave us two houses.

Man, we've got it made.

No dorm resident snitches keeping track.

You know, den-mother types

up your ass.

No centralized authority.

It's f***ing brilliant.

Let's just hope they don't

realize what they've done.

- Oh, yeah.

- Mmm-hmm.

We knew we'd find you drunks here!

What miserable updraft

wafts you three hither?

- Oh, bite me, Finn.

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