Entertainment Page #2

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you know, but you've gotta go

where the oil is,

and Kern County, uh,

because of its, uh,

you know, archaeological past,

happens to have

70, uh, oil fields

just within an area near

the size of Massachusetts.

And, of course,

if this looks familiar to you,

it may be because in 1970

they filmed Five Easy Pieces

with Jack Nicholson and

Karen Black out in this area.

Now, I'm not much

of an impersonator,

but the classic, uh, line

is in the diner.

And I don't know if you remember

it or not, but he says,

"All right, let me make

this easy for ya, okay?"

I want an omelet, plain,

and a chicken salad sandwich

on wheat toast.

Now, no butter, no mayo,

no lettuce,

and a cup of coffee.

"Now, hold the chicken."

Oh!

Like that, what I just did?

Was it funny?

You like f***in' clowns, huh?

Yeah, you like f***in' clowns,

look at that hair.

Well, that was more

than I expected.

Oh, yeah?

Yep. Crowd was a little dry.

- But, uh...

- All right.

Sorry.

You're lucky.

All you got's glasses.

Why did Carrot Top,

legendary, legendary, legendary

Vegas comedian Carrot Top,

prop comedian Carrot Top,

legendary prop comedian

Carrot Top,

legendary Vegas prop comedian

Carrot Top...

Why did Carrot Top,

legendary Carrot Top,

refuse,

absolutely refuse

the pleading requests

of the topless Playboy playmate

who was naked in the jacuzzi

with him?

Because she was begging him

to shoot himself in the head.

I'm just trying

to earn a living.

Come on, people, these are...

These are great jokes.

We traveled a long distance

carrying these jokes

in order to bring them here

and thrust them

into your fool faces.

So sit there and paste a smile

on your face and have some fun.

That's what it's all about,

folks, having fun,

forgetting your problems.

And you have a lot of problems,

I can tell.

Forget 'em just for a few

moments and just laugh with me.

We're gonna have so much fun.

This is a great

group of friends here,

my new friends here tonight,

huh?

Okay, perfect. Thank you.

Thanks for coming to the show.

Great show, by the way.

You are really hilarious.

Thank you.

I don't know

how to tell you this.

That hotel room didn't work out,

but I did talk to my cousin,

Alejandro,

and he said he'd

be willing to take you in.

You talkin' to me?

You talkin' to me?

You talkin' to me?

- Robert De Niro!

- Yeah.

- Fly, you pelican, fly!

- Um, Scarface.

- Yeah, Scarface.

- Now, you go.

He wants you

to do an impression.

No.

Hi.

Hello?

They pulled gold out of here.

They pulled silver,

tungsten,

nickel,

copper.

Everything comes either directly

or indirectly from the soil,

as you can look around you,

there certainly is plenty of it.

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