Eight Days a Week Page #2

The difference between you

and that barbarian, Nick, is that you...

Remember what he said.

have a "swelled heart,

not a swelled head."

I wanted to tell him that his daughter

gave me both. But I didn't.

Peter, I thought you might be hungry...

...so I brought cookies

I made for the church bake sale.

I wasn't all that surprised

by the cookies.

This is the same woman who encourages

her youngest daughter, Mary...

...to play with nun dolls.

"Now say 50 more."

"Hail Mary, Hail Mary...

...Hail Mary, Hail Mary, Hail Mary..."

- Thanks.

- Yes, yes, yes.

Now let's face it.

It's a proven fact that girls

do not fall in love...

...with any boy her parents

actually like.

I vowed at that very moment

that I would...

...find a way to make her parents

hate me.

I set Giuseppe to work on it.

Go ahead, Peter, try it.

My dad's reaction to my plan,

when he heard about it from Mom...

...registered on the Richter scale

at Caltech.

Peter. Peter!

Stop acting like you don't hear me. Peter.

Hell's bells.

You get inside right this instant.

- I'm not leaving this spot.

- Yes, you are.

- No, I'm not.

- Yes, you are.

You stop listening

to your grandfather's nonsense.

He's not all there. Now, come on.

- Let go. I'm not hurting anyone.

- You are acting like a fool.

- Now, come on.

- No.

- Give it up, son.

- Mom!

- Listen to your father.

- This is ridiculous.

What will the neighbors think?

Some of them are my patients.

They'll stop coming to me

if they think my son's a pervert...

...who stands under girls' windows.

- You're just embarrassing our entire family.

- Dad!

- I'm sorry.

- Now, let go, Peter.

My New Guinea impatiens!

- I'm sorry.

- What are you doing?

Good old Nonno.

Whenever a situation calls for it...

...my grandfather pulls

his "infirm old man " routine.

I'm sorry.

He's saved my life hundreds of times.

I'm sorry.

The same couldn't be said

for my best friend, Matt.

This is my last chance.

Look, you know, I just don't wanna

see you setting yourself up like this.

I have been in love with Erica

since we were kids.

We used to play

Cowboys and Indians together.

When we were little,

we used to do everything together.

When you get mad at someone,

you go like this:

- It was great.

- It'll never work.

Why not?

Because we're losers.

Look, we've been picked

by genetic selection...

...to be the world's biggest living proof

that this world is f***ed.

- How's that?

- We lost the DNA lottery.

We didn't get the a**hole gene.

See, we're the nice guys.

We're never gonna succeed.

only the a**holes get the girls

and the dough, bro.

- You've got it all figured out.

- Damn straight, I do.

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