Eddie Murphy Raw Page #2

"He's special. I mean, he's good,

clean and wholesome."

You know how I knew y'all believed it?

Y'all didn't get mad when he took

Brooke Shields to the Grammys.

Nobody white said sh*t.

And Brooke Shields

is the whitest woman in America.

Miss America every year is Brooke.

F*** who you see with the crown.

You look up "white woman"

in the dictionary,

be a picture of Brooke like this:

She's white.

And this n*gger took her

to the Grammys, nobody said sh*t.

lf I took Brooke Shields

to the Grammys,

y'all would lose your mind.

Because y'all know Brooke

would get f***ed that night.

And Brooke knew too.

That's why we going this year.

No...

Stop. Now, see?

I did jokes about...

I did a lot of jokes about homosexuals

a couple years ago

and faggots were mad.

They were like...

And they were... There's nothing like

having a nation of fags looking for you.

I'd be at parties... There's always

two or three at a party.

They'd be standing around looking

at you, they'd be looking at...

"He's an a**hole."

I can't travel the country

freely no more.

I can't go to San Francisco.

They got 24-hour homo watch

waiting for me in the airport.

Soon as I got off the plane,

they'd be like:

"He's here, yes. Yes, it's him.

Yes, it's him!"

And the cars would come rushing

across town. lt'd be:

And it won't be no siren, it'll be

a real fag sitting on the roof going:

"Pull over. Pull over.

"Pull over.

I'm gonna read him his rights.

"You have the right to remain silent.

"Anything you say can and will

be held against you.

"You have the right to an attorney.

Turn around. I'm gonna frisk you.

"You carrying any concealed

weapons?

"Are you carrying...?

What is this? What is this?

"Lay down on the floor

and spread them."

- Do you watch the Bill Cosby Show?

- Yeah!

I do too.

I love Bill Cosby's show.

I been a big fan of Bill Cosby

all my life.

Never met the man before,

but he called me up about a year ago

and chastised me on the phone

for being too dirty on-stage.

lt was real weird,

because I had never met him

and he just thought it was... He should

call me up, because he was Bill,

and tell me that he did...

About what comedy is all about.

And I sat and listened

to this man chastise me.

And when Bill Cosby chastises you,

you forget you grown.

You feel like one of

the Cosby kids and sh*t.

And I ran in the house

all excited to talk to Bill

and picked up the telephone

and Bill got raw on me.

I was like, "Hello, Mr. Cosby?"

And you hear:

"I would like to talk to you...

"...about some of the things

that you do in your show.

"Now, I'm going to tell you a story."

He always tells you stories.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes